Are you too busy with what you are doing to change or get ahead?

Are you so distracted with life that you have time to pay attention to what you want in life?

Can you even remember what you want any more?

The routine tasks of daily life can so easily use up all of your time that they become the main part of life.

When was the last time you spent time thinking or contemplating what you want in your life? For most it has been far too long.

Are you aware that your daily activities are your predominate habits? A habit is an automatic thought, routine or behavior. They become so ingrained in you life that you build interpretations, thinking, behavior, and defenses around them, protecting the status quo.

Have you noticed how protective you can be about what you do and think, even if you are not really sure why. How you will defend anything even if it is really not in your best interest. You will actually personalize and protect your habits no matter how negative, debilitating and restrictive they become.

Sometimes, what habits prevent you from doing is far more damaging than the habit itself. Many habitual routines cause you no harm other than sapping your time and energy that could be utilized for your personal growth and development.

We have all heard of how effective use of our time leads to results. Well, there are always results in your life; everything you do has a result. Even when you think you are doing nothing, you are getting the results of the doing ‘nothing’. And part of the result is, what you are not doing while doing the ‘nothing’.

If you sit and watch TV instead of washing the dishes, the result is – the dishes are not washed, and of course you accomplished TV watching.

This goes on all day, with you getting appropriate results for all of your actions and apparent inaction.

The question becomes, how long are you going to continue to let what you do all day long prevent you from the life you desire? You can’t continue to do everything you do now and expect different results. You must make some adjustments.

Change what you are doing and what you are doing will change. Your results will change and so will your life. It takes effort on your part. Who said the life you want is easy? I’m not saying it is hard either, not any harder than what you are doing now.

The challenging part is in getting yourself to alter what you are now doing to allow for what you want. You have gradually built your life to what it is today, whether you did so intentionally or not.

You then need to make any adjustments that are needed to support what you want. It will take effort at first, as your ego mind will want to fight to preserve the status quo. It will take determination and self-discipline on your part at first to override the existing habits.

This can only take place when your inner drive is sufficient to back your efforts. Only when you become fed up with what you no longer want and you become deeply desirous of what you do want will you have the needed mental and emotional drive.

You will need to insert into your day, some things that support what you want. You need to be moving in the direction of your dreams, not just once in a while, but each day.

Take a look at what you want in your life – what activities would lead to them becoming reality for you? Put these into your daily schedule and help them become your habits. Even if small, they will begin to have an effect.

If you were in baseball and wanted to be batting over 300, don’t you think you should be doing a lot of batting practice? Of course, that’s obvious right! Then why don’t you do any practice for what you want?

You have allowed yourself to be consumed by your habits, you must change that in order to get what you want. And what you have in your life is directly related to how much time and attention you have given it. Give an appropriate percentage of your time with what you do want.

Spending all of your time doing things that are not part of what you want your life to be and then complaining about it changes nothing. All you are doing is accentuating your unhappiness.

Another key part of this is to know what you want unfiltered by the ego. There is a lot deep in your mind that is covered by the activity of the day. Schedule time in your day for contemplation of some sort, as well as the specific activities.

Meditation is good or any quiet undistracted dedicated thinking 20 to 30 minutes at least once a day. Contemplative thinking is something most of us do not do enough of, as we are so busy running around just doing what we are in the habit of doing.

It is so easy to allow ourselves to get in the rut of just wishing of something rather than taking steps towards making it happen.

And very important, you must stick with it, just doing something for a short term or once in a while will not effect change. What job, business or college degree can you be successful in if you only do it once in a while?

If you want it to be a part of your life – make it a part of your life!

Change your efforts and your results will change.

John Halderman writes and speaks with intent on helping you get effective results with your personal growth. For self-improvement tools, tips and resources for living a satisfying life get the “Effective Personal Development Newsletter” and a bonus report
activepersonaldevelopment.com activepersonaldevelopment.com

What is Sensual Awareness?

Sensual awareness is attention to the senses and stimuli obtained from the senses. The terms sensual awareness and sensuality do not distinguish between negative stimuli (pain) or positive stimuli (pleasure). Sensual awareness and sensuality certainly have nothing to do with self-gratification, immorality, or overindulgence. Our senses provide the information by which we base all of our intuitive thoughts, creativity, and desires, as well as our clear problem solving ability. They help us to determine what is right and what is wrong for us far better than any holy book, psychologist, or pop culture. By becoming fully present in our sensual perceptions we become more sensitive to our passions, our inner compass, our personal truth, or what we call our core values. Core values are true and authentic and are not influenced by the values and judgments of others.

Being Disconnected

Imagine a scenario where you are in a job that is unfulfilling and has been for several years. However, on paper that job is prestigious and friends and family envy your position. You know that something has to change but you don’t know whether you should go back to school, start your own business, or change careers altogether. The years keep on passing but you fell stuck in the situation and just continue to have no idea what to do. Or imagine that you are running ragged, between your work, your commute, carting children to and fro, PTA meetings, scarfing down fast food in the car 3 or more times per week, and never being able to start that new hobby or get some needed exercise, then lying awake squandering precious sleep time at night fretting about the next hectic day. You know something has to change because this is unhealthy, you are exhausted, and it is beginning to show, but you continue to make no changes because you are torn between where to cut your activities for some relief and being a superhero. Your mind is racing a mile a minute and you just cannot make a decision on how to make life better. These are two simplified examples of how life can be when we are disconnected from our core values.

How Sensual Awareness Reconnects us to our Core Values

In our hectic culture, many of us are not immediately capable of sitting and meditating with a clear mind for long periods of time. In this instance, sensuality just serves as a different form of meditation that may be more a more accessible means to reconnect with what is authentic inside of us, allowing us to observe our condition from a neutral, relaxed perspective. Often we are either too busy in our daily lives to fully recognize our core values or are too accustomed to letting outside influences, i.e. religion, commercial, societal values, opinions of family and friends, etc. guide our desires to easily make decisions that correctly align or actions with them.

Although sensuality does not actually refer to stimuli that are positive or negative, the more engaging and pleasurable the experience, the more easily we can stay in that place of presence and allow our core values and passions to surface clearly. The key to sensual meditation is actively observing through our senses enough to keep us present but yet not so much as to overwhelm or distract us, and that is relaxing enough to quiet mental chatter. We must become aware of our sensations but without thinking about them. We are giving all sensations, both the pleasurable and the unpleasant or stressful ones, a place to simply BE. Without fighting or ignoring or manipulation, we can just observe them and release them, where they will cease to cloud our thoughts and judgments. Essentially here we are giving attention to our body-mind connection. Sensuality is the bridge between the body and the mind, because all thoughts originate with the senses. Get them working together in harmony and see what miracles can happen!

Getting Started with Sensual Meditation

Although sensual awareness as a meditation may be a more easily accessible form of meditation than other forms, it still takes practice. Here is a very simplified practice to get started:

Find a quiet spot and sit comfortably. If necessary, make the environment more inviting with candles, incense, dimmed lighting, or fresh flowers. No need to close your eyes but it helps to relax the eyelids halfway. Begin with slow deep breathing, expanding the ribcage and filling the entire abdomen with nourishing oxygen and releasing the used air and clutter with each exhalation.Try not to think about anything, and as the thoughts arise, just release them and relax. Don’t try too hard. Just go with the flow.Notice what you hear.Notice what you see.Notice how you feel.Notice what you smell.Notice what you taste.Be aware of your sensations and notice a sense of calm connectedness.Continue to experiment with your sensual meditations in various locations and activities over a month’s time.

There is much more to sensual awareness, so you would be cheated if you stop here. Regular practice is needed to experience the full intensity of benefits such as increased ability to think clearly and creatively in all aspects of your life; the discovery of solutions to problems you may have been struggling with; generating more laughter and fun in your life; experiencing increased self-confidence; and becoming more relaxed with yourself and less stressed. Learning about the concepts of balancing male and female energies within; understanding the chakras, and using and playing with universal energy are also necessary to benefit from a rich sensual engagement with the world.

Lisa Branscomb, J.D. is the founder of LifeBliss Solutions, Life Coaching from a Tantric Perspective. She is dedicated to teaching how to incorporate simple tantric practices and sensuality into everyday life. For more information see:

You know what? Too many people are trying for the “BIG Success” these days.

I’m here to tell you that, well, sorry to burst a lot of bubbles, but there are no big successes.

That’s right.

None.

Not one.

There are no big successes.

What Allen? Have you lost your mind?

Maybe but maybe not.

The last NBA Championsip team?
The Masters winner?
Wimbledon?
The Kentucky Derby?
American Idol?

Not one of those is a big success.

Each of them are a myriad of tiny successes, and they are piled up on top of one another.

The championship isn’t won on that final shot at the buzzer.

It’s won during drills and practices. The games played and won, or lost, building up to the final series.

It’s won at the free throw line in the first period.

It’s won from that 10-foot jumper with 8 minutes to play in the second quarter.

We perceive the success as being derived from that final shot. But fact of the matter is, every little step that was taken, and taken correctly, and taken purposely in order to further the goal, were just as important to the winning of any championship as that shot at the buzzer.

In your life, in your goals, stop searching for big success.

Start finding ways to be successful, step by step, stage by stage.

Each of those mini-successes will accumulate.

And together, you will have what others will see as a big success.

But not you.

You will know the difference.

And you will look back on the little things you have done to make that success happen.

Focus your time, your energy, your resources on creating the mini-successes.

And they will add up to the success in life that you deserve.

Allen Williams is a professional educator, speaker and writer. Get a free subscription to the PowerMeUp Newsletter and Goal Setting and Getting Course with a bonus book for a limited time at: PowerMeUp.com PowerMeUp.com Personal and Professional Growth

Have you ever wondered why is it that after we go through a bad
phase in life we seem to come out better for it? It use to
puzzle me too until recently after I stared down a gunman’s
nozzle I realized why.

If you have ever been in a situation like I did and survived to
tell the tale you would be more than grateful for everything. And
the worst part is that my family home was invaded by gunmen which
left us with a feeling of being so vulnerable.

I used to place few emphasis on the things that matter the most
to me in like my family, my friends and the joy I get
from accomplishing goals and helping people.

It was after that I began to really feel the joy in seeing simple
things like the tree leaves dancing in the gentle summer breeze.
It was then that I began to really appreciate the twinkle of love
in my daughter’s eyes every time she sees me.

Listen, I happen to live in the crime capital of the Caribbean
which is Jamaica. There is not a single day that you don’t read
or hear negative news or stories coming your way. The caustic
gossip and idle chatter that surround you can make you feel
miserable absorbing all this stuff.

That’s why it is important to develop a positive attitude towards
life. Developing one does not happen overnight but it can be
done. Doing things like reading inspirational literature and
articles, listening to uplifting music and having constructive
talks with others are ways to build up your positive attitude.

If more people could get access to books like Think and Grow Rich
and The Laws of Success among others what would be the impact on our
society? It is materials like these that we need to use to build
up our self-esteem so as for us to have greater respect for life
and people.

Did that gunman scare the life out of me? Hell no. Instead he
made me appreciate life
more than ever. It made me realize that no matter what you have
been through you can overcome. Life’s too short to be brooding
over what when wrong or what might have been.

All I am focus on right now is to make use of whatever time I
have left on earth. I have even stopped thinking about what
others think about me because it doesn’t matter anymore to me.

As someone once said, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who
matter don’t mind”. Stay positive, it is the best way to reach
out for success.

Copyright © Nicholas Dixon

*****************************************************
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marketer. Find out
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list of highly recommended
programs by visiting
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Whether you deny that God exists, or are active in promoting his cause, it depends on your concept of him. It is imperative to examine just whom and what he is, whatever you believe about him. This article may be published if the resource box is left intact.

The word, “concept” is defined as an abstract or general idea inferred or derived from specific instances. One of the most important concepts is the picture formed in the mind when God is thought of. We serve him in direct proportion to our concept of him. Some think of God as nothing more than nature, others believe that he a deity of love only, without punishment for wrong doing. The different concepts of the Lord account for the different responses to him.

Many people acknowledge that God exists, but apparently some don’t think they need to do anything to be accepted by him. They go on their merry way, living as they please, and believe that they will have his blessings when they die.

People speak of the many ways to heaven, but Jesus only mentioned two ways. One leads to punishment for the disobedient, the other to rewards for the righteous. He indicated that there is a broad way that leads to destruction, with many entering through it. The road that leads to life is small and narrow. Only a few will find this way (MT 7:13-14). We must follow the principles in the Bible to find the narrow way to heaven.

The problem is that mankind has trouble understanding who God is. Pharaoh asked, “Who is the Lord that I should obey him”(EX 5:2)? He felt the terror of his wrath but he never learned of his love and compassion. A one-sided view of God can be worse than not knowing him at all.

When you think of God, what picture is formed in your mind? Do you see an old man that is too feeble to help with your troubles? Is he an angry being poised to punish anyone that gives in to sin? Do you imagine you only have to be concerned with him when you are in trouble or at worship time? Some believe they can make a deal with him and be saved on their own terms. We have no input on this; he gives his terms and we either accept them or reject them.

People have different responses to the Lord according to their concept of him. Faith is formed by the knowledge of the Bible. This is often mixed with bits of information heard about the Lord, and our own ideas. The only information of value about God is that contained in Scripture. One cannot obtain an accurate picture of the Lord without a knowledge of his word. With incomplete information we get a small part of the total. People respond to God with inappropriate actions because they have the wrong concept of him.

If one believes that God is the creator of the universe, the question of obligation to him comes up. Most agree that governments have the authority to make laws that must be followed. Everyone must submit to the rules of the law or answer to its officers and courts. Since God’s authority far outweighs civil jurisdiction, it follows that we are obligated to obey his rules.

The fact that he has the power of life and death both physical and spiritual, compels us to make a choice. He will make a choice about where each of us will spend eternity. His choice is based on our response to the principles of the New Testament. The choice made depends on our concept of him. The good news is that his grace forgives the sins of the obedient through the blood of his Son.

This article was written by the author of the book, “Climbing the Heavenly Stairs.” Get acquainted with the members of the Godhead and develop an unshakable faith. Learn how to fit in with your congregation. Put your trust in the one that makes no mistakes. Go on to maturity and live life to the full. Click on the following link to read more and order. thelynnbradleybook.com thelynnbradleybook.com

Every day millions of women receive dumb gifts from the male gender that lack creativity, thoughtfulness or indicate a total lack of knowledge about what women want, like or need.

Research has suggested that over 65% of the gifts men give to women for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines day and all of the other holidays combined are returned, never used or worn or are stored in some obscure place or in the attic. Billions of dollars are wasted every year on gifts for women by men. Why?

Are men and women really different?

Numerous books have been written pointing out how men and women are different. In some cases I accept those apparent differences and in others I think the authors were just trying to sell more books by offering the readers a controversial title or topic. I am not concerned here, I know your time is limited, with the physiological, actuarial, physical, mental or emotional differences, as many as there are.

My concern is, how are women different from men when it comes to needs, expectations, reactions, hopes, dreams or frustrations in the area of giving and receiving gifts.

Here is what I think. Any gift that says you love her, cherish her, respect her, understand her, know her, want her, believe in her or desire her (this list is too long to continue) is usually pretty safe. The problem is, I dare you to show me even one man, even after fifty years of marriage who knows a fraction of any of these.

Ask one women what is a BAD gift and she will tell you “anything that has a cord and a plug.” My wife wanted a color TV for the kitchen for Christmas one year. Now, here is the problem, it couldn’t have a plug. It took me three days and a lot of shopping to find one that was battery operated. It also had a back-up plug. Guess which power source she uses? You guessed it the plug. What is it with plugs anyway? Many of the best gift examples in Chapter ten show that plugs are O.K as long as it is something she wants.

Ladies, if you have never received a dumb or thoughtless gift from a man you have either spent your entire life living alone in a cabin in Vermont or you have done an excellent job of training the men in your life.

Gentlemen, if you have never given a woman a less-than-well-received gift, the rest of us poor souls salute you. You must have either been raised in a cave filled with women of all ages, or—like Mel Gibson’s character Nick Marshall in the movie What Women Want—you are just light years ahead of the rest of us who are searching for just that right gift that will earn us a special place in the corner of her heart for the rest of our life.

I have spent the better part of my adult life trying to figure out what women really want and what will make them happy and satisfied when it comes to gifts. Believe me, I have made more bad choices than good ones over the years, but after painstaking research I believe that I finally have the answer.

Now keep in mind that when I am talking about gifts for her, I am referring to any or all of the following special events or holidays:

– birthdays

– Christmas or Hanukkah

– Mother’s Day

– Valentine’s Day

– Grandmother’s Day

– Groundhog Day

– the first day of spring

– the last day of summer

– the second Tuesday in June

– plus any other holiday or occasion I may have overlooked.

Got it? Any day is an appropriate day for gift giving from the women’s perspective, and until you learn this simple lesson, you may spend a lot of time agonizing, apologizing, hiding, or squirming, or all of the above.

Here are the top twenty mistakes males make when giving gifts to women. Make any one of them to your peril.

A BAD Gift is any gift that:

1. Plugs in. (It depends—see gift-giving rules.)

2. Reminds her of a former relationship. (Always.)

3. Says, you were too busy to be creative. (Shame on you.)

4. Is really for your benefit and not hers. (Gotcha.)

5. Says, she is getting old. (Head for the hills, bucko.)

6. Says, she is not as beautiful as the day you met her. (You will be sleeping alone a lot from now on.)
7. Is re-packaged in any way. (I am not even going to give this one any energy.)

8. Looks like you were being cheap. (If you were, make sure you are with yourself as well.)

9. Reminds you of a former relationship of yours. (What are you, just plain stupid?)

10. Says, she needs to lose a little weight. (Ditto, no. 9 above.)

11. You believe will make her life easier. (Did you just land here from some distant planet?)

12. Lacks romance. (Better read Romance 101 again.)

13. Says, you really don’t know me. (You are history, bubba.)

14. Says, you are guilty of something. (If you are, gifts are not going to do it for you here, dude; better consider just fessing up.)

15. Tries to buy your way out of the doghouse. (Just learn to be happy there.)

16. Says, she is not the center of your world. (You better get a new girl friend.)

17. Helps her be more successful in her career. (This one could be a little touchy, boys.)

18. Helps her with her domestic responsibilities. (Big freaking deal.)

19. Shows your general lack of thoughtfulness. (Your mother will not be happy about this one.)

20. Originates from motives that are less than honest. (You are not fooling anyone.)

Here are my twenty gift giving rules if you want to be a hero and not an idiot the next time you give the love of your life a gift.

There are gifts that cost money and there are gifts from your heart. Here are just a few.

The gift of honesty.

The gift of support.

The gift of acknowledgement.

The gift of interest.

The gift of friendship.

The gift of respect.

The gift of trust.

The gift of unconditional love.

The gift of conversation.

The gift of listening.

The gift of caring.

The gift of a romantic spirit.

The gift of touch.

The gift of talk.

The gift of thoughtfulness.

The gift of appreciation.

The best gifts are;

- Your time. And I don’t mean just your time but your active and conscious presence while you are with her. You have to “be there” and not secretly wishing you were fishing or on the golf course.

-Your creativity. Any idiot can buy a gift certificate. Or, if you have more money than God any jerk can buy an expensive piece of jewelry. It takes imagination and creativity to give her a gift that will bring tears of joy to her face and a smile in her heart. Trust me, these will be remembered long after she has forgotten the jewelry.

-Surprise trips. And, I don’t mean fishing trips. But an evening on the town or a weekend at the beach that she wasn’t expecting. It will have even greater positive emotional impact if you have gone out of your way in some way to make the event special like arranging for a baby sitter or clearing it with her boss.

-Something from the past. A photo collage of a number pictures taken while on a special trip years ago or something that has special significance like a family heirloom that she always liked but never could have, for any number of reasons.

Let’s end this with fifteen of the twenty gift giving rules. Follow them and you will never again give a bad gift.

Rule Number One -If she didn’t ask for it make sure it is a personal item.

Rule Number Two: If it plugs in don’t give it to her for Valentines day, her birthday, Mothers day or Christmas or unless she asks for it.

Rule Number Three: If it reminds her of a former relationship, hers or yours, forget it.

Rule Number Four: Flowers express your thoughtfulness but save them for special times. Don’t use them as gifts.

Rule Number Five: Cards can mean a lot but they are not gifts. They will never make up for an expectation of a gift.

Rule Number Six: A promise of a gift is not a gift. Don’t make promises – either give the gift or don’t talk about it or promise it.

Rule Number Nine: If it is not something she likes or wants, it doesn’t matter how much it sets you back financially.

Rule Number Ten: The worst gifts are gifts you THINK she wants or will like because you like them.

Rule Number Eleven: If the gift is an act of barter – you give her something to get something in return – it will backfire every time.

Rule Number Twelve: You can hardly ever go wrong if the gift has a romantic overtone.

Rule Number Thirteen: If the gift says you were too busy, don’t really know her or it has a hidden agenda – beware.

Rule Number Fourteen: Once you give a gift, don’t keep reminding her of how much it cost. All you do is make her feel like she isn’t worth it.

Rule Number Fifteen: When you give a gift. Leave it at that. Resist the tendency to add a lot of verbiage and useless words to the gift. Let your gift speak for itself.

Rule Number Sixteen: When you give her a gift make sure it is for HER and not YOU.

Rule Number Seventeen: If it has a plug, make sure she asked for it.

Rule Number Nineteen: If it’s on sale make sure you take the tags off of it.

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at mailto:tim@timconnor.com tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at timconnor.com timconnor.com.

1)Excessive worry

No, I’m not saying “don’t worry, be happy.”

Well-used worry can alert us to areas in our lives that need attention and change. It’s just that most folks don’t use worry very well. Turning worry into action takes care of the worry.

2) A sedentary life

Would you send your kid to a summer camp that made the campers eat a continual diet of unhealthy food, allowed them to move as little as possible, made them stay inside and watch meaningless junk in their spare time?

Of course not.

Yet many of us volunteer for that lifestyle on a continual basis. Get up. Go outside and move. Human beings feel much better while living life instead of watching other people live.

3) Procrastination

Four words that virtually guarantee failure are “I’ll do it later.”

Every time we say we’ll do it later, that thing runs around in our head taking up space. That’s too much stuff to carry around.

Practice doing it now. Do it now. Do it. Now.

4) Excuses

We seem to be the most creative when we need to find an excuse, usually for why we did or did not do something.

It’s been said that when we set a goal, there is only one of two outcomes:

We either achieve the goal, or have excuses why we did not. To free yourself from excuses, take responsibly for your own. Make sure you are doing all the necessary things to get you where you wish to go.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Can you count how many self-help or motivational articles you’ve read, or how many books you’ve purchased or borrowed on the subject? Have you tried self-help seminars, maybe even ordered videos or the complete CD set sold by the latest and greatest motivational guru?

Yet, even with all that storehouse of knowledge, and all the effort you can manage, nothing has changed. You haven’t found your dream job, taken that exotic vacation, become rich beyond your wildest dreams and your family isn’t as bonded and beautiful as the smiling families at the end of one of those reality nanny shows.

It can be frustrating and leave you feeling even worse about yourself than you did before, because now you have the added guilt of having failed at one more “sure-fire” method to becoming your elusive ideal.

But maybe it isn’t you – at least, not from your current perspective.

Have you ever noticed in restaurants, how the dishes are all the same size, no matter who orders the meals? A waif-like woman will receive a plate of food filled with exactly the same proportions as the tall, muscular construction worker at the next table. When the wait staff comes to clear their plates, they may find she’s only eaten half of her meal. “Is there anything wrong?” the waiter might ask. “Oh, no,” she’ll reply and pat her stomach delicately. “I’m just full.” At the next table, the construction worker has not only cleaned his plate, but he’s eaten all the breadsticks, the appetizer, and he’s asking for a dessert menu as he’s eyeing his date’s dinner with obvious menu-envy.

Does this mean that the waif should feel like a failure because she wasn’t able to eat all the food? Should the construction worker feel like a failure because he’s still hungry? Of course not, and you know that, but the concept is too often forgotten when it comes to measuring personal success.

One size does not fit all. It isn’t true of pantyhose, restaurant meals, diets, prescriptions, hobbies, or any host of things. And the “one size fits all” approach is definitely not true for sure-fire success programs either.

The next time you decide to try a new motivational program or self-help seminar, or even revisit one that you have an inkling could work for you, keep one thing in mind: One size does NOT fit all.

By all means, listen to what the coaches or instructors have to say, and learn as much as you can, but don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself if some of those great ideas don’t fit you or your lifestyle.

Modify. Take what works for you from this program, and something that worked from that program, keeping track in a journal or in a computer file. Implement those things that are workable, that make you feel better about yourself, or that give you enough incentive to take on a little more. Develop your own methods from the lessons you’ve learned. Over time – weeks, months, years (only you can know the pace that’s right for you) – you’ll see that you’ve developed a program that truly works for you. And who knows? You may be the next great motivational guru and we’ll all be racing out to buy your books, CDs, and videos.

Or best case scenario, you’ll come to know yourself a little better and when that happens, you begin to accept yourself as you are and when you find yourself saying “I’m doing the best I can,” it’ll be evident.

Instead of that little phrase feeling like a cry of failure, it’ll be a statement of your success.

The suggestions here refer to motivational and success types of programs. Diet, exercise, mental wellness, or any programs requiring an expert’s care should be followed according to the advice given by those professionals. This is not to be construed as medical advice.

Kim-Marie Ward is a freelance editor of both non-fiction books and fiction novels, a ghostwriter, and has written several articles for various ezines and newsletters (online and in print). Kim is an author on Writing.Com/ Writing.Com/
which is a site for Writing.Com/ Fiction Writing. Stop by and visit her portfolio at: Writing.Com/authors/kimmer/ Kim-Marie on Writing.Com.

The concept of saying ‘yes and’ instead of ‘yes but’ is a powerful communication tool. However, it can be applied not just to how you interact with others, but also to how you interact with yourself. People easily fall into the pattern of ‘yes butting’ themselves out of doing things.

As an example, consider a person who is thinking about starting a new career in marketing. Let’s call her Sally. Let’s also assume that Sally has never worked in marketing before. It is quite likely that every time Sally thinks about a marketing career, the ‘yes buts’ start. ‘I want a career in marketing.’ ‘Yes but I have no experience.’ ‘Yes but what if I fail?’ ‘Yes but no one will hire me.’ ‘Yes, it would be nice, but I just can’t.’

‘Yes butting ‘will cause two things in Sally’s life. First she will come up with hundreds of logical reasons to not try the new career, thus talking herself out of doing what she wants. Second, she will create a strong negative vibe that she will associate with her new career. Plus, that negativity will spill over into the rest of her life, probably making her even more dissatisfied with her current career.

What if Sally tried it with ‘yes and?’ ‘I want a career in marketing.’ ‘Yes, and with that career I would be able to explore my creativity.’ ‘Yes, and I would make more money.’ ‘Yes, and I could adjust my resume to focus on the work most like marketing that I have done.’ ‘Yes, and I could try to speak to people who have marketing careers and get advice about how to proceed.’ ‘Yes, and I could take a night class on marketing to beef up my resume.’

With ‘yes and’ Sally focuses on the positive benefits of the career shift, which motivates and energizes her. Then, ‘yes anding’ leads to some action steps and solutions to her problem. ‘Yes and’ can be a very powerful tool.’

In the book, ‘The One Minute Millionaire’ by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert Allen, there is an exercise that involves keeping a rubber band on your wrist and snapping it every time you say or think, ‘yes but.’ This will make you aware of just how often you say it, plus it interrupts you from doing it so over time you will naturally stop saying ‘yes but.’ Try it, and you might be surprised by just how red your wrist will become even after just one day.

***

Avish Parashar is a dynamic professional speaker who shows organizations and individuals how to get what they want using the Art and Science of improv comedy. He weaves together humorous stories, witty observations, and interactive exercises from improvisational comedy to get people laughing, learning, and motivated!

For more articles, downloads, and informations, visit: AvishParashar.com AvishParashar.com

To learn how to apply the powerful principles of improv comedy to your own business or life visit ImprovForEveryone.com/ ImprovForEveryone.com/

In the Chonyid one has to exercise Vairagya and Viveka, or detachment and discrimination–detachment as to what is seen, and discrimination as to what is real and unreal in the unfolding panorama. One has to overcome one’s attraction to the images of beauty in this first Chonyid stage as well as to overcome one’s repulsion to wrathful and awesome images in the following Chonyid phase. One has to embrace every appearance as a reflection of one’s own pure primordial nature. Forms should be seen as illusory, their inner essence, however, should be realized as the essence of Reality. Tsele Rangorol explains it in this way:

“The key point in the Bardo of dharmata is simply to rest in awareness, no matter what happens, and to be able to embrace everything with the mindfulness of awareness-wisdom, without losing the continuity of that awareness.” (1993:7)

Aside from psychic images that one perceives in the Chonyid, one may also see coloured-lights, either bright and dazzling or dull. The bright coloured-lights originate from the five “Dhyani Buddhas” of the spiritual planes, whereas the dull coloured-lights emanate from the 6 lower realms of becoming. Like the psychic images that one may see in the Chonyid, the coloured-lights are also a manifestation of one’s mind. Their appearance may continue all the way through Sidpa bardo. In the following we list the realms with their associated coloured-lights together with the Dhyani Buddhas and their corresponding colour rays:

[Note: The table may be seen as originally published at our website]

Generally speaking, one has to distance oneself and not be attracted to the dull lights as they lead one to a rebirth in a lower world. Conversely, bright coloured-lights lead us to a more fortunate rebirth in the spiritual worlds. When encountered, therefore, one has to abide in the dazzling coloured-lights and allow them to guide one to a higher state. Detlef Lauf in the Secret Doctrines of the Book of the Dead, tells us what would occur if we were to be attracted to dull lights:

“If thou art frightened by the pure radiances of Wisdom and attracted by the impure lights of the 6 lokas, then thou will assume a body in any of the 6 Lokas and suffer sangsaric miseries . . .” (1989:125)

Chonyid Bardo, Second Stage

This stage is a continuation of the previous stage. Should the awareness-principle still be unliberated from the bardo in the previous experience, this stage dawns to reflect the darker side of one’s psyche for immediate reaction–or response. When the images of one’s spiritual aspect exhausts itself from one’s psyche, what remains are the negative side with images called by Tibetan teachings “the 58 wrathful deities.” Like the images of the peaceful deities, these wrathful images are mere illusions, thoughtforms, hallucinations, or mirages. They are simply projections of one’s negative thoughts, feelings and karmic stains. It is therefore imperative that the soul grasp the true nature of these images and not be repulsed, frightened or alarmed by them. Nothing can hurt one’s primordial nature, one’s Divine Self–”the Real cannot be threatened”–and this is a lesson that one has to learn even now while incarnated in the physical form. A calm abiding in one’s pure awareness without any dualistic thought of “I” and “thou” or any sense of separation should be cultivated and maintained. There should only be a feeling of unity, of oneness, of integration with All That Is, which is one’s Divine Self. Understandably, such an awareness may not come automatically while one is facing terrifying images. It is for this reason that there should be a reasonable amount of spiritual practice while one is still yet alive on the physical plane. Referring to the images perceived in the bardo and a possible emancipation through right understanding and awareness as well as the result of wrong apprehension, Detlef Lauf comments:

“If all the temptations of deceptive visionary images, which are continually referred to in the texts [Bardo Thodol] as hostile forms of the intellect, can be recognized as empty creations of one’s mind and can be immediately penetrated, one will attain liberation. These images dissolve away and the awareness reaches the peaceful and imageless release of nirvana. Every fleeing from these fearsome and terrifying bardo images and every feeling of being seduced by certain colours and visionary apparitions is a step into the ambivalence of the feelings of hatred and desire and is attachment to the opposites of divine consciousness. It is therefore a step back into ignorance, for the antagonistic forces of desire and aversion prevent salvation and unity of awareness in the state of liberation.” (1989:69)

One of the reasons that one slips into this bardo from the former stage is that the anxiety, and the terror engendered by the fear of the unknown, and augmented by the appearance of holy images which often stimulates guilt feelings, causes the awareness-principle to evoke the negative side of its subconscious content, thus resulting in the appearance of wrathful images. What one experiences in the bardo is the direct result of one’s karma and the nature of one’s psyche, whether it be spiritual or carnal. The images of peaceful or terrifying deities, or other frightening forms are there to purify the awareness of ignorance and to offer an opportunity for the awareness-principle to grasp their inner nature. Should the soul react negatively to these images, it passes on to the next bardo. A positive response offers release. One’s negative reaction is due to one’s karma and lack of spiritual unfoldment.

Should one fail to gain liberation in the Chikai or in the former stage of Chonyid because of one’s negative karma and negative mental and emotional traits, there is still hope to liberate oneself at this stage; not from samsara, however, but from rebirth in one of the lower planes of the six worlds. Liberation at this stage also emancipates the awareness-principle from having to undergo the “Judgment” in Sidpa bardo. A soul gains liberation, totally or partially, at whatever stage his karma allows. As said before, preparation beforehand through spiritual practices is an indispensable task to be undertaken by those seeking a better soul-life. Chokyi Nyima, the author of The Bardo Guidebook, advises this succinctly:

“The Buddhas very kindly gave many teachings and methods of practicing, but all these different systems converge at one point: right now, while you are alive, get used to the non-conceptual wakefulness called luminous dharmata, the state free from concepts, beyond a meditation of mental fabrication . . . Accustom yourself to non-conceptual wakefulness now so at the time of death you will not have to go through the remaining bardos [Chonyid and Sidpa] to a new rebirth. Resting in non-conceptual wakefulness is enough to cover all aspects of practice . . . ” (1991:137)

In Chonyid bardo one’s psychic senses are enhanced, and one acquires a certain degree of clairvoyance. The pilgrim of the bardo is somewhat aware at this stage of the surroundings related to its physical form and its newly-terminated incarnated life. The soul may hear and see its relatives and friends grieving and lamenting, but they do not perceive the astral form of its awareness-principle. The awareness-principle may or may not realize at this stage that it has permanently severed connections with its physical form. The incapability of offering comfort and solace to beloved ones at this point frustrates the soul. Bombarded by frightening sounds and coloured-lights likewise make this an exhausting period for the soul.

Sidpa Bardo, First Stage

Here, in Sidpa bardo, the lights, sounds, and images assume a sight more ghastly than the previous bardo. The psychic motion within one’s consciousness is intensified to the utmost degree and it projects out with a centrifugal force all of one’s inner negative qualities that takes on forms that corresponds to those qualities. It is in this bardo that one’s negative karmic deeds play strongly upon one’s conscience. In Sidpa, the feelings of guilt, of hatreds, greed, anger and other egoic expressions seemingly assume terrifying phantasms–demon-like, to torture one’s consciousness of all of the misqualifications of one’s personal energy. As the peaceful deities are said to emanate from the heart-center, so the terrifying images that one experiences in the bardo are said to emanate from the head-centers. One’s main objective and natural inclination at this state as in previous ones, is to escape, to flee from these frightening, awesome and gruesome images. This is a mistake of the dualistic mind, however, that requires a reiterated warning: all that is experienced in the bardo are mental projections, and are, therefore, unreal. The bardo experience is subjective and is but a mental journey with an alchemical purpose. To acknowledge mental projections as real and to be deluded by them causes the awareness-principle to further entrap itself in the snare of Maya. This is spiritual death to the consciousness which is referred to by the Piscean Master when he advised his disciples to “let the dead bury the dead.”

Should one by any chance, however slim, attain a partial liberation in the Sidpa, one obtains the Nirmanakaya–a pure emanation of the Dharmakaya, the Monad. Eventhough with this attainment, the awareness-principle is still subjected to the wheel of birth and rebirth. However, the next birth may be in more fortunate circumstances and surroundings, conducive to spiritual growth, unfoldment and awakening.

We should reiterate here that the Bardo, not being a place or a realm, but an inner experience, is different for every soul making its transition. Every form, image, figure, or symbol making an appearance on the screen of consciousness simply reflects one’s own subconscious content. They are one’s personal conscious and subconscious fantasy assuming a virtual reality. All of the forms that appear corresponds to one’s sublime or carnal thoughts, feelings, passions and impulses. One’s habitual pattern of thoughts and feelings are the most potent in expressing themselves in the bardo. The average soul may succumb in a negative way to these protean forms and changing scenes, the spiritually inclined would, however, transform these images into more pleasant ones with the power of thought. Recognizing the underlying reality of the bardo forms, one may go through it quickly. Amidst the dark thought-forms of Sidpa bardo, there still lurks the Clear Light of the Void. Therefore, reaching out to the greatest light perceivable hidden in and around the monstrous forms one may discover a “saviour” that leads one away from experiencing the Judgment in the latter half of the Sidpa bardo.

At every stage masterful beings watch intently the souls experiencing the bardo–to give subtle aid when necessary, or when a plea for help is made. The nature of that aid is dependent upon the soul’s own personal karma. Such saviours when recognized amidst the psychedelic and surrealistic images will free one from further doings in the bardo.

Sidpa bardo is often called the “bardo of becoming,” because at this stage it is almost certain that one would be reborn in one of the 6 realms, in one of the phenomenal world of change. In Sidpa the awareness-principle is made aware through certain signs and indications that it is deceased. With such an awareness it may desire to be quickly reborn; it does so by seeking the lights emanating from the human realm–as though drawn to it. These lights play upon the psychic senses, swirling and twirling together as though a human couple were in the act of copulation. Other lights from the other lower realms also play about in one’s vision. The light that the soul is attracted to and merges with determines the realm of its rebirth. This may occur before or after the judgment–normally after.

Sidpa Bardo, Second Stage

One now comes to the Judgment with which almost all religions teach. After undergoing the previous bardos without being released from it, the soul, the awareness-principle, hallucinates a judgment scene. In this judgment, all of the actors–the judge, the prosecutor, the defender, the scribe and others–are all aspects of one’s being participating in a drama that directs the attention of the soul to all of its misdeeds in thought, words, and action–whether of omission or commission–in the physical life that it had just passed. It is a period of soul-review, reflection, introspection and self-examination. Regarding this soul-review, Helena Blavatsky, the co-founder of the Theosophical Society remarks:

“At the solemn moment of death every man, even when death is sudden, sees the whole of his past life marshalled before him, in its minutest details. For one short instant the person becomes one with the individual and all knowing Ego. But this instant is enough to show him the whole chain of causes which have been at work during his life. He sees and now understands himself as he is, unadorned by flattery or self-deception. He reads his life, remaining as a spectator looking down into the arena he is quitting; he feels and knows the justice of all the sufferings that has overtaken him.” (cf Cosmos in Man 1983:180)

In this judgment one’s past life is relived and viewed as though one were watching a movie. One is enforced here to realize the significance of one’s misdeeds and made aware of one’s error. Every misdeed the soul has to account for, and motives are scrutinized by one’s conscience represented by Dharmaraja, the Judge, literally, “king of the law.” This is the event where the saying “God is not mocked,” is seen explicitly. All of the persons that the soul had harmed or done wrong in any way, seemingly appear to accuse the soul of its violation of truth and righteousness. Their sufferings and pain are somewhat felt by the soul being judged, that it may acquire an understanding of the effect of its evil actions. One’s reaction here may determine one’s “placement” in the subtle realms, whether it be in one of the hell regions or in purgatory. Should the soul be filled with remorse and shame, acknowledge its error, sincerely repent and ask forgiveness, it may be granted a reprieve and sent to the purgatorial worlds; otherwise, if it is filled with hate and anger for God and man and hardens its heart, it would be isolated in hell where it has illusory visions of being tortured by demons, or even literally feel the effects of the flames. This punishment in reality is self-imposed, for none condemns the soul but its own self. The low vibrations that it generates with its negative feelings simply anchors it down to the mire of the astral worlds.

The results of one’s judgment are recorded in the seed-atoms and in the subconsciousness of the soul, and this has a great influence upon its subsequent lives in the physical plane; and while still imprinted fresh in its mind in the subtle realms, it provides food for thought and consideration which may evolve into a conscience of a higher standard. In the judgment of Sidpa the soul sees itself for what it really is and not what it believes itself to be or what others believe itself to be.

Copyright © 2006 Luxamore

Luxamore
Metaphysical teacher, counseler, healer and merchant of occult/magickal items of Indonesia.
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