There is a line in the American Constitution that I think every person in the country is familiar with and it goes:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness

It is the last part that I want to talk about, the pursuit of happiness. Now far be it for me as a Limey to say I think the founding fathers got this bit wrong, but I think the founding fathers got this bit wrong.

Never let it be said that I am not prepared to stick my neck out but bear with me here there is an element of method to my madness.

The pursuit of happiness if not a folly is certainly not something I would ever encourage clients of mine to do. What’s that you say, a life Coach not encouraging his clients to be happy. Well, that isn’t really what I mean, of course I want people to be happy as they can be but I also realize that sometimes that is not possible and when circumstances dictate to the contrary I don’t want people feeling even worse because they are wasting half their energy trying to remain cheerful and upbeat when there is no need to.

As I posted recently, it really is ok to feel down, we need the lows to experience the highs and if we spend our life trying to fight the inevitable we are going to end up disappointed and cynical.

Life has huge ups and downs, it was designed that way. No matter who you are you will pass through good times and bad times, happy times and sad times. If you live into adulthood you are almost certainly going to encounter sickness, frustration, arguments, melancholy, pain, misery and ultimately death. Sorry to be the bringer of bad tidings but most people will be hard pressed to say they feel happy during any of those times.

So if we are not going to pursue happiness, what is the alternative, what do I think it should really say?

Well how about: ….that among these are Life, Liberty and peace of mind?

Ok I admit it’s not quite as snappy as the original and it needs a bit of work but I like the idea, I think it’s got legs.

If you were a Genie and could offer me one wish I would chose peace of mind. Ok, maybe world peace or an end to hunger would come first, but if you insisted benevolent Genie that you are that I take something for myself only, then peace of mind it is thank you very much.

Imagine if you become ill but you retain your peace of mind, that you lose your job but stay calm internally or of you lost a loved one but could grieve whilst not torturing yourself at the same time for all the things that you should have done and said, wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?

Peace of mind leads to contentment, which in turn leads to a greater chance of happiness. You cannot be stressed and have a peaceful mind, you cannot be worried or guilty or revengeful or angry or any of the other emotions that do not serve us with peace of mind

The phrase pursuit of happiness indicates that happiness is an external thing and that it is actually always moving away from us.

Happiness is internal and it is always with us when we need it and the more peace of mind we have the more likely it is to show up.

Tim Brownson is a qualified English born Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner and Hypnotherapist. He is based just outside Orlando, Florida but coaches people all over the US and UK. His time is split between telephone and face-to-face coaching helping people fulfill their potential and get more out of life. He can be contacted via adaringadventure.com adaringadventure.com or on 407 334 4692

Do you watch reality television shows with names like How Clean is Your House, Clean Sweep, Clean House, Mission Organization and more? They certainly are entertaining. And informative too! They do provide some good ideas for organizing and cleaning your home. But what have you actually implemented in your housecleaning plan after watching these shows? And really…how clean is your house? Try answering these questions in this house cleaning checklist to determine if your home is as clean as it could be.

CLEAN HOUSE CHECKLIST

1) Can you draw words in the dust on your shelves, counters and more? Do family members leave you messages that way? That’s clearly a bad sign when it comes to deciding how clean is your house. In that case, use a slightly damp cloth to carefully wipe up dust once or twice a week. The damp cloth is so you don’t just brush all the dust into the air.

While you’re at it use a long-handle duster to clear away those cobwebs. They tend to collect at the ceiling and upper wall corners and behind items like bookcases that set near the wall.

2) How often do you vacuum your carpets? Once a week is a good answer. For instance, schedule every Friday as vacuum day. Wait longer than that and you might find it becomes a much dirtier job and affects your allergic sensitivities to dust.

But what if you live in a large house? In that case vacuuming the whole house once a week could be quite a tiresome chore, especially when combined with all your other chores. So instead you might want to vacuum daily. But the catch is you might just want to vacuum one room each day of the week. For instance, vacuum the living room on Friday, the bedroom on Saturday and so forth.

Just remember though to dust before this chore (from top downward and even if it’s the day before you vacuum). That way your vacuum can collect any dust that still falls to the floor during dusting (despite your damp dust cloth).

3) Is your shower or tub growing anything in it? The only thing that should be alive in your shower or tub is you. If it’s growing mold or mildew, wipe it down with a cloth and spray bottle cleaner that contains bleach. You may want to let the cleaning spray settle on it for a few minutes before wiping it down.

Also wash your shower curtain or liner as needed in the washing machine with some bleach and detergent. Do this to keep it clean and free of mold and soap scum. You may want to throw a few towels into the washing machine with your shower curtain to give it some scrub action. Hang the clean shower curtain to drip dry back in the shower.

4) Look in all of your closets and on shelving. Do you see items that already are caked in dust, grease or grime? This is a sign. It’s a strong sign that you don’t use these items regularly. It’s time to re-evaluate these dust-covered items to determine why you have them.

You may decide you don’t need this “clutter” and donate it to a thrift store or trash it. Or you may decide you do need the item but forgot you had it. In that case, give it a new home near where you’ll remember to use it (or just admire it if it’s pretty or sentimental decor)–preferably frequently. Otherwise out it goes. Why create more housework by having to clean and dust unused clutter that provides you with no benefit?

Your home is truly your haven. Keep it warm and comfortable in atmosphere. Housecleaning will help create this environment. This house cleaning checklist above listed some ideas to help you determine how clean is your house. Get started today using the checklist and ideas but don’t feel limited to only those housecleaning tips and advice on the list.

Looking for home organization products? Karen Porter offers organization store reviews and editor’s picks at organization-stores.com organization-stores.com

A Gratitude list is a list in which you write your appreciation to all the positive and not so positive things which happened to you during this year that is now ending. It also shows the reasons you are grateful for them.

Now, writing this list may be a little tricky, for as we find it easy to appreciate the positive in our lives, the contrary is very true: we find it difficult to do the same for the things that didn’t go well during the year. Nevertheless, it is important to make a list for both of them, including the reason why you appreciate them.

I suggest you use two different pieces of paper and write each on a separate one. The reason for this is that, while you will put safely away your positive appreciation, you will burn your negative list. Let me explain:

1. Divide the two sheets in half, making a line across the page.

2. Titled them “I am grateful for the positive aspects of my life during 2005” and ““I am grateful for the negative aspects of my life during 2005”

3. On the first half write: “positive aspects” or “negative aspects” depending on the list.

4. On the second half, write “Reasons” – that is the “Why” you appreciate what happened to you.

For example:

a. I appreciate my boss for accepting my project as was and recommending that I wrote another draft as soon as possible;

b. His support made me see that I can count on people, in small or big matters.

or

a. I appreciate my woodstove’s chimney catching fire during the winter, resulting in my house losing a great amount of heat and leaving us freezing for 3 days;

b. I have learned that I am not supposed to fill my woodstove with wood and leave it at maximum heat. I also learned that it is good to have a backup, such as the gas company.

Got the picture?

5. After you write all your gratitude for everything that happened to you, positive or negative, separate them.

6. On the positive list, write at the bottom of the page: “I thank you, God (or Spirit, or Universe) for these great things. Give me more of them.” And put the list away.

7. On the negative list write at the bottom of the page: “I thank you, God (or Spirit, or Universe) for these things as they were good learning experiences. I now let go of them with gratitude.” And burn the list.

Now, feel the freedom that this technique gives you and be grateful for that too.

Happy New Year!

© Maria Moratto 2006

Want to have more abundance, health, time, love, fun, and blessings? Visit Prescription For Bliss at rx4bliss.com rx4bliss.com, sign up for the newsletter and receive a fr*ee ebook called “Happy People Are More Abundant!”

Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of “The Inspired Healing For Your Body, Mind, and Soul,” “The Inspired Healing Journal: Mending Your Broken Heart,” and “Attract Money Journal.” Visit her site to get fr*ee affirmation cards.

You may reprint this article in its entirety as long as you add this resource box.

Are you too busy with what you are doing to change or get ahead?

Are you so distracted with life that you have time to pay attention to what you want in life?

Can you even remember what you want any more?

The routine tasks of daily life can so easily use up all of your time that they become the main part of life.

When was the last time you spent time thinking or contemplating what you want in your life? For most it has been far too long.

Are you aware that your daily activities are your predominate habits? A habit is an automatic thought, routine or behavior. They become so ingrained in you life that you build interpretations, thinking, behavior, and defenses around them, protecting the status quo.

Have you noticed how protective you can be about what you do and think, even if you are not really sure why. How you will defend anything even if it is really not in your best interest. You will actually personalize and protect your habits no matter how negative, debilitating and restrictive they become.

Sometimes, what habits prevent you from doing is far more damaging than the habit itself. Many habitual routines cause you no harm other than sapping your time and energy that could be utilized for your personal growth and development.

We have all heard of how effective use of our time leads to results. Well, there are always results in your life; everything you do has a result. Even when you think you are doing nothing, you are getting the results of the doing ‘nothing’. And part of the result is, what you are not doing while doing the ‘nothing’.

If you sit and watch TV instead of washing the dishes, the result is – the dishes are not washed, and of course you accomplished TV watching.

This goes on all day, with you getting appropriate results for all of your actions and apparent inaction.

The question becomes, how long are you going to continue to let what you do all day long prevent you from the life you desire? You can’t continue to do everything you do now and expect different results. You must make some adjustments.

Change what you are doing and what you are doing will change. Your results will change and so will your life. It takes effort on your part. Who said the life you want is easy? I’m not saying it is hard either, not any harder than what you are doing now.

The challenging part is in getting yourself to alter what you are now doing to allow for what you want. You have gradually built your life to what it is today, whether you did so intentionally or not.

You then need to make any adjustments that are needed to support what you want. It will take effort at first, as your ego mind will want to fight to preserve the status quo. It will take determination and self-discipline on your part at first to override the existing habits.

This can only take place when your inner drive is sufficient to back your efforts. Only when you become fed up with what you no longer want and you become deeply desirous of what you do want will you have the needed mental and emotional drive.

You will need to insert into your day, some things that support what you want. You need to be moving in the direction of your dreams, not just once in a while, but each day.

Take a look at what you want in your life – what activities would lead to them becoming reality for you? Put these into your daily schedule and help them become your habits. Even if small, they will begin to have an effect.

If you were in baseball and wanted to be batting over 300, don’t you think you should be doing a lot of batting practice? Of course, that’s obvious right! Then why don’t you do any practice for what you want?

You have allowed yourself to be consumed by your habits, you must change that in order to get what you want. And what you have in your life is directly related to how much time and attention you have given it. Give an appropriate percentage of your time with what you do want.

Spending all of your time doing things that are not part of what you want your life to be and then complaining about it changes nothing. All you are doing is accentuating your unhappiness.

Another key part of this is to know what you want unfiltered by the ego. There is a lot deep in your mind that is covered by the activity of the day. Schedule time in your day for contemplation of some sort, as well as the specific activities.

Meditation is good or any quiet undistracted dedicated thinking 20 to 30 minutes at least once a day. Contemplative thinking is something most of us do not do enough of, as we are so busy running around just doing what we are in the habit of doing.

It is so easy to allow ourselves to get in the rut of just wishing of something rather than taking steps towards making it happen.

And very important, you must stick with it, just doing something for a short term or once in a while will not effect change. What job, business or college degree can you be successful in if you only do it once in a while?

If you want it to be a part of your life – make it a part of your life!

Change your efforts and your results will change.

John Halderman writes and speaks with intent on helping you get effective results with your personal growth. For self-improvement tools, tips and resources for living a satisfying life get the “Effective Personal Development Newsletter” and a bonus report
activepersonaldevelopment.com activepersonaldevelopment.com

What is Sensual Awareness?

Sensual awareness is attention to the senses and stimuli obtained from the senses. The terms sensual awareness and sensuality do not distinguish between negative stimuli (pain) or positive stimuli (pleasure). Sensual awareness and sensuality certainly have nothing to do with self-gratification, immorality, or overindulgence. Our senses provide the information by which we base all of our intuitive thoughts, creativity, and desires, as well as our clear problem solving ability. They help us to determine what is right and what is wrong for us far better than any holy book, psychologist, or pop culture. By becoming fully present in our sensual perceptions we become more sensitive to our passions, our inner compass, our personal truth, or what we call our core values. Core values are true and authentic and are not influenced by the values and judgments of others.

Being Disconnected

Imagine a scenario where you are in a job that is unfulfilling and has been for several years. However, on paper that job is prestigious and friends and family envy your position. You know that something has to change but you don’t know whether you should go back to school, start your own business, or change careers altogether. The years keep on passing but you fell stuck in the situation and just continue to have no idea what to do. Or imagine that you are running ragged, between your work, your commute, carting children to and fro, PTA meetings, scarfing down fast food in the car 3 or more times per week, and never being able to start that new hobby or get some needed exercise, then lying awake squandering precious sleep time at night fretting about the next hectic day. You know something has to change because this is unhealthy, you are exhausted, and it is beginning to show, but you continue to make no changes because you are torn between where to cut your activities for some relief and being a superhero. Your mind is racing a mile a minute and you just cannot make a decision on how to make life better. These are two simplified examples of how life can be when we are disconnected from our core values.

How Sensual Awareness Reconnects us to our Core Values

In our hectic culture, many of us are not immediately capable of sitting and meditating with a clear mind for long periods of time. In this instance, sensuality just serves as a different form of meditation that may be more a more accessible means to reconnect with what is authentic inside of us, allowing us to observe our condition from a neutral, relaxed perspective. Often we are either too busy in our daily lives to fully recognize our core values or are too accustomed to letting outside influences, i.e. religion, commercial, societal values, opinions of family and friends, etc. guide our desires to easily make decisions that correctly align or actions with them.

Although sensuality does not actually refer to stimuli that are positive or negative, the more engaging and pleasurable the experience, the more easily we can stay in that place of presence and allow our core values and passions to surface clearly. The key to sensual meditation is actively observing through our senses enough to keep us present but yet not so much as to overwhelm or distract us, and that is relaxing enough to quiet mental chatter. We must become aware of our sensations but without thinking about them. We are giving all sensations, both the pleasurable and the unpleasant or stressful ones, a place to simply BE. Without fighting or ignoring or manipulation, we can just observe them and release them, where they will cease to cloud our thoughts and judgments. Essentially here we are giving attention to our body-mind connection. Sensuality is the bridge between the body and the mind, because all thoughts originate with the senses. Get them working together in harmony and see what miracles can happen!

Getting Started with Sensual Meditation

Although sensual awareness as a meditation may be a more easily accessible form of meditation than other forms, it still takes practice. Here is a very simplified practice to get started:

Find a quiet spot and sit comfortably. If necessary, make the environment more inviting with candles, incense, dimmed lighting, or fresh flowers. No need to close your eyes but it helps to relax the eyelids halfway. Begin with slow deep breathing, expanding the ribcage and filling the entire abdomen with nourishing oxygen and releasing the used air and clutter with each exhalation.Try not to think about anything, and as the thoughts arise, just release them and relax. Don’t try too hard. Just go with the flow.Notice what you hear.Notice what you see.Notice how you feel.Notice what you smell.Notice what you taste.Be aware of your sensations and notice a sense of calm connectedness.Continue to experiment with your sensual meditations in various locations and activities over a month’s time.

There is much more to sensual awareness, so you would be cheated if you stop here. Regular practice is needed to experience the full intensity of benefits such as increased ability to think clearly and creatively in all aspects of your life; the discovery of solutions to problems you may have been struggling with; generating more laughter and fun in your life; experiencing increased self-confidence; and becoming more relaxed with yourself and less stressed. Learning about the concepts of balancing male and female energies within; understanding the chakras, and using and playing with universal energy are also necessary to benefit from a rich sensual engagement with the world.

Lisa Branscomb, J.D. is the founder of LifeBliss Solutions, Life Coaching from a Tantric Perspective. She is dedicated to teaching how to incorporate simple tantric practices and sensuality into everyday life. For more information see:

You know what? Too many people are trying for the “BIG Success” these days.

I’m here to tell you that, well, sorry to burst a lot of bubbles, but there are no big successes.

That’s right.

None.

Not one.

There are no big successes.

What Allen? Have you lost your mind?

Maybe but maybe not.

The last NBA Championsip team?
The Masters winner?
Wimbledon?
The Kentucky Derby?
American Idol?

Not one of those is a big success.

Each of them are a myriad of tiny successes, and they are piled up on top of one another.

The championship isn’t won on that final shot at the buzzer.

It’s won during drills and practices. The games played and won, or lost, building up to the final series.

It’s won at the free throw line in the first period.

It’s won from that 10-foot jumper with 8 minutes to play in the second quarter.

We perceive the success as being derived from that final shot. But fact of the matter is, every little step that was taken, and taken correctly, and taken purposely in order to further the goal, were just as important to the winning of any championship as that shot at the buzzer.

In your life, in your goals, stop searching for big success.

Start finding ways to be successful, step by step, stage by stage.

Each of those mini-successes will accumulate.

And together, you will have what others will see as a big success.

But not you.

You will know the difference.

And you will look back on the little things you have done to make that success happen.

Focus your time, your energy, your resources on creating the mini-successes.

And they will add up to the success in life that you deserve.

Allen Williams is a professional educator, speaker and writer. Get a free subscription to the PowerMeUp Newsletter and Goal Setting and Getting Course with a bonus book for a limited time at: PowerMeUp.com PowerMeUp.com Personal and Professional Growth

Have you ever wondered why is it that after we go through a bad
phase in life we seem to come out better for it? It use to
puzzle me too until recently after I stared down a gunman’s
nozzle I realized why.

If you have ever been in a situation like I did and survived to
tell the tale you would be more than grateful for everything. And
the worst part is that my family home was invaded by gunmen which
left us with a feeling of being so vulnerable.

I used to place few emphasis on the things that matter the most
to me in like my family, my friends and the joy I get
from accomplishing goals and helping people.

It was after that I began to really feel the joy in seeing simple
things like the tree leaves dancing in the gentle summer breeze.
It was then that I began to really appreciate the twinkle of love
in my daughter’s eyes every time she sees me.

Listen, I happen to live in the crime capital of the Caribbean
which is Jamaica. There is not a single day that you don’t read
or hear negative news or stories coming your way. The caustic
gossip and idle chatter that surround you can make you feel
miserable absorbing all this stuff.

That’s why it is important to develop a positive attitude towards
life. Developing one does not happen overnight but it can be
done. Doing things like reading inspirational literature and
articles, listening to uplifting music and having constructive
talks with others are ways to build up your positive attitude.

If more people could get access to books like Think and Grow Rich
and The Laws of Success among others what would be the impact on our
society? It is materials like these that we need to use to build
up our self-esteem so as for us to have greater respect for life
and people.

Did that gunman scare the life out of me? Hell no. Instead he
made me appreciate life
more than ever. It made me realize that no matter what you have
been through you can overcome. Life’s too short to be brooding
over what when wrong or what might have been.

All I am focus on right now is to make use of whatever time I
have left on earth. I have even stopped thinking about what
others think about me because it doesn’t matter anymore to me.

As someone once said, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who
matter don’t mind”. Stay positive, it is the best way to reach
out for success.

Copyright © Nicholas Dixon

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Whether you deny that God exists, or are active in promoting his cause, it depends on your concept of him. It is imperative to examine just whom and what he is, whatever you believe about him. This article may be published if the resource box is left intact.

The word, “concept” is defined as an abstract or general idea inferred or derived from specific instances. One of the most important concepts is the picture formed in the mind when God is thought of. We serve him in direct proportion to our concept of him. Some think of God as nothing more than nature, others believe that he a deity of love only, without punishment for wrong doing. The different concepts of the Lord account for the different responses to him.

Many people acknowledge that God exists, but apparently some don’t think they need to do anything to be accepted by him. They go on their merry way, living as they please, and believe that they will have his blessings when they die.

People speak of the many ways to heaven, but Jesus only mentioned two ways. One leads to punishment for the disobedient, the other to rewards for the righteous. He indicated that there is a broad way that leads to destruction, with many entering through it. The road that leads to life is small and narrow. Only a few will find this way (MT 7:13-14). We must follow the principles in the Bible to find the narrow way to heaven.

The problem is that mankind has trouble understanding who God is. Pharaoh asked, “Who is the Lord that I should obey him”(EX 5:2)? He felt the terror of his wrath but he never learned of his love and compassion. A one-sided view of God can be worse than not knowing him at all.

When you think of God, what picture is formed in your mind? Do you see an old man that is too feeble to help with your troubles? Is he an angry being poised to punish anyone that gives in to sin? Do you imagine you only have to be concerned with him when you are in trouble or at worship time? Some believe they can make a deal with him and be saved on their own terms. We have no input on this; he gives his terms and we either accept them or reject them.

People have different responses to the Lord according to their concept of him. Faith is formed by the knowledge of the Bible. This is often mixed with bits of information heard about the Lord, and our own ideas. The only information of value about God is that contained in Scripture. One cannot obtain an accurate picture of the Lord without a knowledge of his word. With incomplete information we get a small part of the total. People respond to God with inappropriate actions because they have the wrong concept of him.

If one believes that God is the creator of the universe, the question of obligation to him comes up. Most agree that governments have the authority to make laws that must be followed. Everyone must submit to the rules of the law or answer to its officers and courts. Since God’s authority far outweighs civil jurisdiction, it follows that we are obligated to obey his rules.

The fact that he has the power of life and death both physical and spiritual, compels us to make a choice. He will make a choice about where each of us will spend eternity. His choice is based on our response to the principles of the New Testament. The choice made depends on our concept of him. The good news is that his grace forgives the sins of the obedient through the blood of his Son.

This article was written by the author of the book, “Climbing the Heavenly Stairs.” Get acquainted with the members of the Godhead and develop an unshakable faith. Learn how to fit in with your congregation. Put your trust in the one that makes no mistakes. Go on to maturity and live life to the full. Click on the following link to read more and order. thelynnbradleybook.com thelynnbradleybook.com

Every day millions of women receive dumb gifts from the male gender that lack creativity, thoughtfulness or indicate a total lack of knowledge about what women want, like or need.

Research has suggested that over 65% of the gifts men give to women for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines day and all of the other holidays combined are returned, never used or worn or are stored in some obscure place or in the attic. Billions of dollars are wasted every year on gifts for women by men. Why?

Are men and women really different?

Numerous books have been written pointing out how men and women are different. In some cases I accept those apparent differences and in others I think the authors were just trying to sell more books by offering the readers a controversial title or topic. I am not concerned here, I know your time is limited, with the physiological, actuarial, physical, mental or emotional differences, as many as there are.

My concern is, how are women different from men when it comes to needs, expectations, reactions, hopes, dreams or frustrations in the area of giving and receiving gifts.

Here is what I think. Any gift that says you love her, cherish her, respect her, understand her, know her, want her, believe in her or desire her (this list is too long to continue) is usually pretty safe. The problem is, I dare you to show me even one man, even after fifty years of marriage who knows a fraction of any of these.

Ask one women what is a BAD gift and she will tell you “anything that has a cord and a plug.” My wife wanted a color TV for the kitchen for Christmas one year. Now, here is the problem, it couldn’t have a plug. It took me three days and a lot of shopping to find one that was battery operated. It also had a back-up plug. Guess which power source she uses? You guessed it the plug. What is it with plugs anyway? Many of the best gift examples in Chapter ten show that plugs are O.K as long as it is something she wants.

Ladies, if you have never received a dumb or thoughtless gift from a man you have either spent your entire life living alone in a cabin in Vermont or you have done an excellent job of training the men in your life.

Gentlemen, if you have never given a woman a less-than-well-received gift, the rest of us poor souls salute you. You must have either been raised in a cave filled with women of all ages, or—like Mel Gibson’s character Nick Marshall in the movie What Women Want—you are just light years ahead of the rest of us who are searching for just that right gift that will earn us a special place in the corner of her heart for the rest of our life.

I have spent the better part of my adult life trying to figure out what women really want and what will make them happy and satisfied when it comes to gifts. Believe me, I have made more bad choices than good ones over the years, but after painstaking research I believe that I finally have the answer.

Now keep in mind that when I am talking about gifts for her, I am referring to any or all of the following special events or holidays:

– birthdays

– Christmas or Hanukkah

– Mother’s Day

– Valentine’s Day

– Grandmother’s Day

– Groundhog Day

– the first day of spring

– the last day of summer

– the second Tuesday in June

– plus any other holiday or occasion I may have overlooked.

Got it? Any day is an appropriate day for gift giving from the women’s perspective, and until you learn this simple lesson, you may spend a lot of time agonizing, apologizing, hiding, or squirming, or all of the above.

Here are the top twenty mistakes males make when giving gifts to women. Make any one of them to your peril.

A BAD Gift is any gift that:

1. Plugs in. (It depends—see gift-giving rules.)

2. Reminds her of a former relationship. (Always.)

3. Says, you were too busy to be creative. (Shame on you.)

4. Is really for your benefit and not hers. (Gotcha.)

5. Says, she is getting old. (Head for the hills, bucko.)

6. Says, she is not as beautiful as the day you met her. (You will be sleeping alone a lot from now on.)
7. Is re-packaged in any way. (I am not even going to give this one any energy.)

8. Looks like you were being cheap. (If you were, make sure you are with yourself as well.)

9. Reminds you of a former relationship of yours. (What are you, just plain stupid?)

10. Says, she needs to lose a little weight. (Ditto, no. 9 above.)

11. You believe will make her life easier. (Did you just land here from some distant planet?)

12. Lacks romance. (Better read Romance 101 again.)

13. Says, you really don’t know me. (You are history, bubba.)

14. Says, you are guilty of something. (If you are, gifts are not going to do it for you here, dude; better consider just fessing up.)

15. Tries to buy your way out of the doghouse. (Just learn to be happy there.)

16. Says, she is not the center of your world. (You better get a new girl friend.)

17. Helps her be more successful in her career. (This one could be a little touchy, boys.)

18. Helps her with her domestic responsibilities. (Big freaking deal.)

19. Shows your general lack of thoughtfulness. (Your mother will not be happy about this one.)

20. Originates from motives that are less than honest. (You are not fooling anyone.)

Here are my twenty gift giving rules if you want to be a hero and not an idiot the next time you give the love of your life a gift.

There are gifts that cost money and there are gifts from your heart. Here are just a few.

The gift of honesty.

The gift of support.

The gift of acknowledgement.

The gift of interest.

The gift of friendship.

The gift of respect.

The gift of trust.

The gift of unconditional love.

The gift of conversation.

The gift of listening.

The gift of caring.

The gift of a romantic spirit.

The gift of touch.

The gift of talk.

The gift of thoughtfulness.

The gift of appreciation.

The best gifts are;

- Your time. And I don’t mean just your time but your active and conscious presence while you are with her. You have to “be there” and not secretly wishing you were fishing or on the golf course.

-Your creativity. Any idiot can buy a gift certificate. Or, if you have more money than God any jerk can buy an expensive piece of jewelry. It takes imagination and creativity to give her a gift that will bring tears of joy to her face and a smile in her heart. Trust me, these will be remembered long after she has forgotten the jewelry.

-Surprise trips. And, I don’t mean fishing trips. But an evening on the town or a weekend at the beach that she wasn’t expecting. It will have even greater positive emotional impact if you have gone out of your way in some way to make the event special like arranging for a baby sitter or clearing it with her boss.

-Something from the past. A photo collage of a number pictures taken while on a special trip years ago or something that has special significance like a family heirloom that she always liked but never could have, for any number of reasons.

Let’s end this with fifteen of the twenty gift giving rules. Follow them and you will never again give a bad gift.

Rule Number One -If she didn’t ask for it make sure it is a personal item.

Rule Number Two: If it plugs in don’t give it to her for Valentines day, her birthday, Mothers day or Christmas or unless she asks for it.

Rule Number Three: If it reminds her of a former relationship, hers or yours, forget it.

Rule Number Four: Flowers express your thoughtfulness but save them for special times. Don’t use them as gifts.

Rule Number Five: Cards can mean a lot but they are not gifts. They will never make up for an expectation of a gift.

Rule Number Six: A promise of a gift is not a gift. Don’t make promises – either give the gift or don’t talk about it or promise it.

Rule Number Nine: If it is not something she likes or wants, it doesn’t matter how much it sets you back financially.

Rule Number Ten: The worst gifts are gifts you THINK she wants or will like because you like them.

Rule Number Eleven: If the gift is an act of barter – you give her something to get something in return – it will backfire every time.

Rule Number Twelve: You can hardly ever go wrong if the gift has a romantic overtone.

Rule Number Thirteen: If the gift says you were too busy, don’t really know her or it has a hidden agenda – beware.

Rule Number Fourteen: Once you give a gift, don’t keep reminding her of how much it cost. All you do is make her feel like she isn’t worth it.

Rule Number Fifteen: When you give a gift. Leave it at that. Resist the tendency to add a lot of verbiage and useless words to the gift. Let your gift speak for itself.

Rule Number Sixteen: When you give her a gift make sure it is for HER and not YOU.

Rule Number Seventeen: If it has a plug, make sure she asked for it.

Rule Number Nineteen: If it’s on sale make sure you take the tags off of it.

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at mailto:tim@timconnor.com tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at timconnor.com timconnor.com.

1)Excessive worry

No, I’m not saying “don’t worry, be happy.”

Well-used worry can alert us to areas in our lives that need attention and change. It’s just that most folks don’t use worry very well. Turning worry into action takes care of the worry.

2) A sedentary life

Would you send your kid to a summer camp that made the campers eat a continual diet of unhealthy food, allowed them to move as little as possible, made them stay inside and watch meaningless junk in their spare time?

Of course not.

Yet many of us volunteer for that lifestyle on a continual basis. Get up. Go outside and move. Human beings feel much better while living life instead of watching other people live.

3) Procrastination

Four words that virtually guarantee failure are “I’ll do it later.”

Every time we say we’ll do it later, that thing runs around in our head taking up space. That’s too much stuff to carry around.

Practice doing it now. Do it now. Do it. Now.

4) Excuses

We seem to be the most creative when we need to find an excuse, usually for why we did or did not do something.

It’s been said that when we set a goal, there is only one of two outcomes:

We either achieve the goal, or have excuses why we did not. To free yourself from excuses, take responsibly for your own. Make sure you are doing all the necessary things to get you where you wish to go.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.