We were all born with a sense of awe and curiosity. As children we can all remember ourselves asking our parents why the sky was blue, what that four-legged creature that makes such a loud noise was called. Questions on top of questions was what we had. Everything fascinated us. However, a day came when all that stopped because we started to believe that we knew. It is my assumption that the sense of awe disappears sometime during our teenage years or maybe even before that. We are curious, but we have stopped asking questions because by then we have developed masks of knowing. It is better to not ask questions and look smart, rather than ask questions and seem stupid. I want you to realize now that “smart” and “stupid” are not real in the world that we live in. They are words, that have come to be associated with the mental workings of an individual. However, smart and stupid are agreements. Smart people are those who can do the things that people have agreed are important, and stupid people are those who have not yet understood the agreement as to why those things are important? Is then the teacher’s duty to teach them the agreement or to ridicule them since they cannot see the connection of the agreement?

I don’t want to continue to ramble on, but I have to say a thing or two about education in our times. Maybe the teacher has forgotten an essential fact: kids were not born knowing the agreements of the world. When a child is born, they don’t even know that they exist. They are just there. It’s the people who are in the delivery room that see a separate being they call a child or a baby. However, the baby herself/himself does not know what’s going on. It does not have an understanding of separateness. As this baby grows, it is experiencing life for the very first time. The things that we are now bored of and have taken for granted are brand new to this creature that is now experiencing life for the very first time. The fact is, it will also be the only lifetime that this creature is experiencing this. Some of the agreements in our world are made so that the world can function.

It’s not about the child and the education, but about how the child can serve the world after it has learned all that it has learned in school. Schools are nothing more than AGREEMENT CENTERS, where every school teaches the basic agreements to the students who are there. It’s the quickest way to have an efficient economy because once all of the students have finished with their 12 grades of school, they are now ready for the world. The funny thing is that no one ever looks at the randomness of it all. Why does the school have 12 grades or 13 grades according to the U.K system? Why 12 or 13? Why do people need 12 – 13 years of education for school? Why not 8 or 9 or even 5? No one questions these things because it’s already an agreement that schools have 12 grades. Who actually controls the world? Agreements were meant to serve us, but now it seems like people are born in order to serve the agreements and perpetuate these agreements. These agreements have now become “facts” or “the truth” and people are servants of these agreements. A child is born, has to be educated, so that they can work for a great company, earn huge amounts of money (fiat money, money totally based on faith) and then live comfortably until they are old, and then they die. Wow, we got a whole system working here. Anyone seeing the Matrix yet? The one thing that the Matrix didn’t show us was that it is actually our agreement that forms the whole world that we are living. Let me give you one more scary fact before we get deeper into this area: We are not living in the real world, we are only living in a world of words! Want me to prove it? Okay, here it goes. Who are you? Can you describe it to me without using any words? Man, are we in trouble now! From the moment of birth, to the end of our lives, we are using words that describe certain things and we agree to what those things mean, and there we have our reality!

There is no reality without words. What are you thinking in the whole time? Words! What’s going on in your mind? Words! Do you see any words in the real world? No! What do you see? You just see! You have labeled everything until all you see are words! Pass a four-legged creature that makes a loud noise and we call it a dog. We say “dog” in our heads! Label and classify, label and classify we are all taxonomists. That’s what the human species have become: taxonomists. We are not just classifying things, we are classifying our reality! It’s amazing how much we’ve taken for granted about the world. Do you know why people get bored of the world? They get bored when they think they know everything. Well, everything that they think they know are just agreements that they have learned! Want things to be interesting again? Look at what you agreed to that’s making your life boring!

Sukhbir Singh is the founder of LifeApps! Personal Development International. The article you have just read is an excerpt from this forthcoming book The World is An Agreement:How Human Beings Have Conned Themselves into Leading Inauthentic Lives. “There are only 2 outcomes for those who read this book,” says Sukhbir. 1) Going Insane or 2) Getting Enlightened.

For more information on when the book will be made available and other information regarding the seminars and products offered by LifeApps! Personal Development International send an email to mailto:info@lifeapps.com info@lifeapps.com

The fear of Success is much greater than the fear of failure.
There is no such thing as failure, just results.
Everyone gets undesirable results everyday.

The fear of failure is a phobia. A phobia is a false fear.
It does not exist. People create phobias to avoid success.
Procrastination is the fear of success!

Our greatest fear is who we are!

The reason the fear of success is greater, is because when you are successful in any endeavor, you are more responsible to take care of who you are.

You greatest challenge is to take care of who you are.

It’s easy to play it safe.
I don’t have to take care of who I am as much, when I play it safe

Your gift is who you are. What you do with who you are is your gift back. You are expected to take very good care of your gift at all times.

Problems are just opportunities to re-focus on taking better care of who you are.
Go for it!

Keep dancing!

Mike Marino, Jr. aka “In Person,” is the co-author of two books and a Distinguished Toastmaster who helps people fall in love with learning. He speaks and writes on the love of Knowledge is the root of all good!.

To book Mike for your next association meeting, conference or corporate event, contact Mike Marino, Jr. In person 504 833 4405 or email

Creative and artistic projects can begin from any number of sources, ideas and sparks of inspiration.

A snippet of overheard witty conversation at party, the atmosphere of an old jazz record, a collision of colours in nature, a scent that recalls the summers of your childhood, and a million others…

The common factor though, is they all begin SOMEWHERE. However small the idea, it’s our starting point, the tiny jetty we set off from in our eager hopeful boats.

Pretty soon after we set sail though, what happens if we begin to get a little sea sick? If we get a little anxious about the way this new creative project is going, realising already it’s not quite turning out as we expected, what happens then?

We’ve barely lost site of the shoreline, but the wind’s changed direction, the sails are billowing and our vessel’s heading off determinedly in a completely new direction… This wasn’t the trip we planned!

For example, what if the most rewarding parts of your ambitious biting political satirical novel are actually in the intimate personal dynamics between three minor characters?

Maybe your exhibition watercolours of natural coastal landscapes is dominated by the beauty and impact of the solitary painting that features a derelict lighthouse?

What if, what started out as a dance record based on heavily processed electronic rhythms, only truly makes your spine tingle within the spaces of its slower ambient interludes?

Do We Haul Back The Rudder? Jump Overboard? Or Something Else?

When this happens, when we feel the heart of the creative project drifting away from what we originally expected it to be, we have a number of options.

Number one, we could panic, make every effort to haul the project back to where we want it to be, force it along a straight and narrow path, however much it seems to be resisting that path.

Or, number two, we could give up, jump ship and abandon it completely, exasperated at its refusal to conform to our perfectly formed expectations, exclaiming it’s got to be our way or no way at all.

Or, we could take the third option. Let go of the rudder, lay back, and let the wind take us. Allow the art to breathe, to have its own way, to find its own natural form and definition.

Which of the three sounds most like what you’d do? Which option would be most conducive to getting the most interesting and rewarding results from the creative project?

Which would be the most pleasing to your sense of natural creativity?

The Courage and The Faith

Every piece of creative work we begin has, to some extent, to find its own life, its own shape, and its own meaning. To loosen our hold, to stand back and let this happen, often takes great courage and faith. The courage to relinquish control and step into the unknown. And the faith that we have the patience, creative ability and resources to see the project through to its natural conclusion.

Some of the most famous inventions and artworks in history came as a result of their creator trying to create one thing and discovering something completely different as a “happy accident”.

Yet still we often have such fixed ideas of what our creative work “SHOULD” be that we lose the ability to let it fulfil its own potential, and take its own beautiful natural shape, whatever that may be.

Maybe the most beautiful shapes aren’t always the ones we set out to discover, but rather the ones that we allow to discover us…

How does this idea apply to YOUR creative life? How could you benefit from letting your creative projects find their own beautiful shape, their own rhythm and evolve into the most amazing and rewarding possible creative work for you?

© Copyright 2006 Dan Goodwin

Creativity Coach Dan Goodwin is the author of “Create Create!”, a FREE twice monthly ezine for people who want simple and powerful articles, tips and exercises to help them unleash their creative talents. Sign up right now and get your FREE “Explode Your Creativity!” Action Workbook, at CoachCreative.com CoachCreative.com

An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
Dwight D. Eisenhower

Living in a nurturing environment plays a vital role in value formation for a leader. As Joas, author of The Genesis of Values, surveyed many philosophers on the genesis of values, he was seriously influenced by his background. According to Bass, a leadership expert, the values and beliefs of an individual that are shaped by his culture. This affect a leader’s behavior and actions.

In his book, Joas evaluates the concept of love through the eyes of
philosophy. The philosopher Kant viewed love as a commandment or duty while the philosopher Scheler viewed love as an expression of a fundamental relationship between God, an individual, and his neighbor. Kant’s view placed love as an “object of obligation.” However, Joas provides his own assessment. He argues that the love for God and humanity isn’t derived from divine ordinance; however, it has moral value.

Clearly, Joas’ quest to understand human action was influenced by his parents. Joas was intrigued by his father’s Nazi background. Joas explains,

“Why can people who are not devils believe such things and do such things? I say who are not devils because, of course, I loved my own father….The people you find terrible can be loving fathers, husbands, or whatever.”

This Nazi experience also transformed his mother into a Social Democrat with Catholic values. These revelations, along with his childhood poverty, caused Joas to become a social advocate. Religion became a catalyst in his value development. Therefore, a leader’s background plays a critical role in his value development.

References:

Bass, B. (1990). Bass & Stogdill’s Handbook of Leadership. New York: The Free Press.

Joas, H. (2000). The Genesis of Values. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press.

Scharmer, C. (1999). Action is the way in which human beings exist in the world. Conversation with Professor Hans Joas, Freie Universitat, Berlin. Received on September 2, 2006 from maydaygroup.org/php/resources/theoreticalpapers/joas-action.php.

© 2006 by Daryl D. Green

Daryl D. Green has published over 100 articles in the field of decision-making (personal and organizational), leadership, and organizational behavior. Mr. Green is also the author of two acclaimed books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. He is a columnist, lecturer, professor, and management consultant. Mr. Green has a BS in engineering and a MA in organizational management. Currently, he is a doctoral candidate in strategic leadership. For more information,visit his website at darylgreen.org darylgreen.org.

In our earlier article on ‘The Power of Gayatri Mantra’ we have learnt the Mantra and its power. Now, in this article, we can learn the power of each syllable of the Gayatri Mantra. For the benefit of the new readers the

Mantra is given below:

OM

Bhur Bhuva Svaha

Tat Savitur Varenyam

Bhargo Devasya Dheemahi

Dhiyo yonah Prachodayat

This mantra consists of 24 syllables. Each syllable bestows special power to the reciter. Each syllable is associated with a great sage or Maharishi. Similarly each syllable is also associated with each of 24 Sakthis or Energies and 24 Flowers.

The great secrets of the mantra are better to be learnt from a Guru in person. However for the benefit of mankind, the power of each syllable is given below:

OM Bhur Bhuva Svaha : God’s Virat Swaroop or Lord’s Cosmic Body

1)Tat: The Ultimate Wisdom (Brahma Gnan)

2)Sa: Good use of energy

3)Vi: Good use of Wealth

4)Tu: Courage during bad period / accidents

5)Va:The greatness of Womanhood

6)Re:The incoming of the wife who bestows all wealth to the family

7)Nyam: Worship of Nature

8)Bhar: Ever-steady Mind control

9)Go: Cooperation and Patience

10)De: All Senses under control

11)Va: Pure life

12)Sya: Unity of Man with God

13)Dhee: All round success or Success in all spheres

14)Ma: God’s Justice and Discipline

15)Hi: Knowledge

16)Dhi: Life and death

17)Yo: Following the path of righteousness

18)Yo: Life Saving

19)Nah: Caution and Safety

20)Pra: Knowing all things to happen and donating for good

21)Cho: Reading of sacred Scriptures and association of great sages

22)Da: Self Realization and self bliss

23)Ya: Good Progeny

24)T: Disciplines of life and cooperation

The twenty four powers can also be given in a different form.

1) Strength

2) Energy

3) Attraction

4) Suggestion

5) Motion

6) Awe

7) Discrimination

Activity

9) Courage

10) Memory

11) Determination

12) Desire

13) Affection

14) Aversion

15) Union

16) Disunion

17) Analytic capacity

18) Synthetic capacity

19) Hearing

20) Touch

21) Sight

22) Taste

23) Smell and

24) Knowledge

The benefits are enumerated as simple as possible due to the limitation of English Language.
Bhur Bhuva and Svaha are the three mystic syllables called ‘Vyahritis’. These represent three worlds namely Bhur: Earth; Bhuva: Atmosphere/Firmament; Svaha: Heaven.

Bhur bestows inspiration, intelligence and luminance.
Bhuva bestows abundant Glory and useful wealth
Svaha bestows abundant happiness and Tranquility.
Those who understand these powers and recite the mantra concentrating on the relevant power of the syllable automatically get the enormous energy. The powers thus obtained should be used only for good purposes. Those who violate this and misuse these powers for selfish gain will have to suffer
It is assured that the recitation automatically and gradually brings all the benefits of all the 24 syllables.
For more information one has to seek a proper Guru who is a realized soul

S Nagarajan is a vehicle body engineer by profession. He has written more than 1300 articles in 16 magazines and published 18 books. He is revealing Eastern Secret Wisdom through T.V. Programmes, magazine articles, seminars, courses. His email address is: mailto:snagarajans@gmail.com snagarajans@gmail.com. His articles on Yoga, laughter, efficacy of mantras and sound, Hypnotism, Tele Kinesis, Power of Prayer, Vastu and Feng shui, Auto suggestion, Success Formula, Out of Body Experience etc are regularly appearing in ezinearticles.com

A long standing issue
Problems managing anger has always been a concern for patients suffering from addictive disorders. Pioneering research by my mentor, Dr. Sidney Cohen at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute demonstrated the relationship between, anger, violence and the use of alcohol and or cocaine. One of the most popular articles written by Dr. Cohen, was entitled, “Alcohol, the most dangerous drug known to man”. In this and other publications, Dr. Cohen systematically demonstrated the causal relationship between cocaine and alcohol abuse and aggression. Much of this research was done in the 70s and 80s.

Anger has always been a factor in substance abuse intervention. Unfortunately, until recently, it has been overlooked or treated as an after thought by substance abuse programs nationwide. Substance use and abuse often coexist with anger, aggressive behavior and person-directed violence. Data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration’s National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicated that 40 % of frequent cocaine users reported engaging in some form of violence or aggressive behavior. Anger and aggression often can have a causal role in the initiation of drug and alcohol use and can also be a consequence associated with substance abuse. Persons who experience traumatic events, for example, often experience anger and act violently, as well as abuse drugs or alcohol. This is currently occurring with recently returned combat veterans from Iraq.

ANGER AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE

Substance abuse and dependence has grown beyond even the bleakest predictions of the past. In the United States alone, there are an estimated 23 million people who are struggling (on a daily basis) with some form of substance abuse or dependence. The toll it is having on our society is dramatically increased when we factor in the number of families who suffer the consequences of living with a person with an addiction, such as:
• Job loss
• Incarceration
• Loss of child Custody
• DUI’s
• Domestic Violence/Aggression
• Marital problems/divorce
• Accidents/injuries
• Financial problems
• Depression/anxiety/chronic anger

Unfortunately, most substance abusers may not even be aware that they have an underlying anger problem and do not “connect” their anger problem to their alcoholism, drug addiction and substance abuse. Therefore, they do not seek (or get) help for their anger problem. But more often than not, their anger is the underlying source of their disorder.
Anger precedes the use of cocaine and alcohol for many alcohol and cocaine dependent individuals. Anger is an emotional and mental form of “suffering” that occurs whenever our desires and expectations of life, others or self are thwarted or unfulfilled. Addictive behavior and substance abuse is an addict’s way of relieving themselves of the agony of their anger by “numbing” themselves with drugs, alcohol and so on. This is not “managing their anger”, but self medication.

When we do not know how to manage our anger appropriately, we try to keep the anger inside ourselves. Over time, it festers and often gives rise to even more painful emotions, such as depression and anxiety. Thus, the individual has now created an additional problem for themselves besides their substance abuse, and must be treated with an additional disorder. Several clinical studies have demonstrated that anger management intervention for individuals with substance abuse problems is very effective in reducing or altogether eliminating a relapse.

Medical research has found that alcohol, cocaine and methamphetamine dependence are medical diseases associated with biochemical changes in the brain. Traditional treatment approaches for drug and alcohol dependency focus mainly on group therapy and cognitive behavior modification, which very often does not deal with either the anger or the “physiological” components underlying the addictive behavior.

Anger precedes the use of cocaine for many cocaine-dependent individuals; thus, cocaine-dependent individuals who experience frequent and intense episodes of anger may be more likely to relapse to cocaine use than individuals who can control their anger effectively. Several clinical trials have demonstrated that cognitive-behavioral interventions for the treatment of mood and anxiety disorders can be used to help individuals with anger control problems reduce the frequency and intensity with which they experience anger.

Although studies have indirectly examined anger management group treatments in populations with a high prevalence of substance abuse, few studies have directly examined the efficacy of an anger management treatment for cocaine-dependent individuals. A number of studies demonstrating the effectiveness of an anger management treatment in a sample of participants who had a primary diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder have been conducted by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Although many participants in these studies had a history of drug or alcohol dependence, the sample was not selected based on inclusion criteria for a substance dependence disorder, such as cocaine dependence. Considering the possible mediating role of anger for substance abuse, a study examining the efficacy of anger management treatment in a sample of cocaine-dependent patients would be informative.

Anger management as an after thought
In spite of the information available to all professional substance abuse treatment providers, anger management has not received the attention which is deserved and needed for successful substance abuse treatment. Many if not most substance abuse programs claim to offer anger management as one of the topics in its treatment yet few substance abuse counseling programs include anger certification for these counselors.

Typically, new substance abuse counselors are simply told that they will need to teach a certain numbers of hours or sessions on anger management and then left to find there own anger management information and teaching material. These counselors tend to piece together whatever they can find and present it as anger management.

Despite the connection of anger and violence to substance abuse, few substance abuse providers have attempted to either connect the two or provide intervention for both. In the Los Angeles area, a number of primarily upscale residential rehab programs for drug and alcohol treatment have contracted with Certified Anger Management Providers to offer anger management either in groups on an individual basis for inpatient substance abuse clients. Malibu based Promises (which caters to the stars) has contracted with Certified Providers to offer anger management on an individual coaching bases.

It may also be of interest to note that SAMSHA has published an excellent client workbook along with teacher’s manual entitled, Anger Management for Substance Abuse and Mental Health Clients: A Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Manual [and] Participant Workbook.
This publication free and any program can order as many copies as needed without cost. There is simply no excuse for shortchanging substance abuse clients by not providing real anger management classes.

Limited anger management research
What has been offered as anger management in substance abuse programs has lacked integrity. The Canadian Bureau of Prisons has conducted a 15 year longitudinal study on the effectiveness of anger management classes for incarcerated defendants whose original crime included substance abuse, aggression and violence. One of first findings was that in order to be useful, the anger management model used must have integrity. Integrity is defined as using a client workbook containing all of the material needed for an anger management class, consistency among trainers in terms of how the material is taught and a pre and post test to document change made by clients who complete the class.
It is not possible to determine the effective of anger management which is fragmented and not based on any particular structure of theoretical base.

Anger management training is rarely integrated into substance abuse treatment
At the present time, anger management is rarely integrated into any model of substance abuse intervention. Rather, it is simply filler tacked on to a standard twelve step program,

Trends in anger management and substance abuse treatment.
Several years ago, the California state legislature established statewide guidelines for all state and locally supported substance abuse programs. This legislation is included in what is commonly referred to as proposition 36. As a result of this legislation, all substance abuse counselors must have documented training in anger management facilitator certification. This training requires 40 hours of core training plus 16 hours of continuing anger management education of a yearly basis.

What is Anger Management?

Anger management is rapidly becoming the most requested intervention in human services. It may be worthwhile to define what anger management is and is not. According to the American Psychiatric Association, anger is a normal human emotion. It is not a pathological condition therefore; it is not listed as a defined illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Nervous and Mental Disorders. Rather, anger is considered a lifestyle issue. This means that psychotherapy or psychotropic medication is not an appropriate intervention for teaching skills for managing anger.

The American Association of Anger Management Providers defines anger management as a skill enhancement course which teaches skills in recognizing and managing anger, stress, assertive communication and emotional intelligence. Anger is seen a normal human emotion which is a problem when it occurs too frequently, lasts too long, is too intense, is harmful to self or others or leads to person or property directed aggression.

The Anderson & Anderson anger management curriculum is currently the most widely used model of anger management in the world. This model includes an assessment at intake which is designed to determine the client’s level of functioning in the following four areas, anger, stress, communication and emotional intelligence. The intervention/classes which are provided teach skills in these four areas. Post test are administered after course completion to determine the success or lack thereof of the program.

In Summary

All anger management programs should conduct an assessment at intake for substance abuse and psychopathology and all substance abuse programs should assess all participants for the current level of functioning in recognizing anger, stress, assertive communication and emotional intelligence.

All substance abuse programs should have their intervention staff certified in anger management facilitation.

Guidelines should be established to determine the number of hours/sessions that each client will receive in teaching skill enhancement in anger management, stress management, communication and emotional intelligence.

Anderson & Anderson
andersonservices.com andersonservices.com
The Directory of Anger Management Providers
anger-management-resources.org anger-management-resources.org
American Association of Anger Management Providers
aaamp.org aaamp.org

“The sad part about our past is that religions, ironically enough, are responsible for creating the most destructive idea that has ever been visited upon the human race: the idea that there is such a thing as ‘better.’”

“Beyond the Catholic exclusionary paradigm is a larger one which is the Christian one. Christians claim that if you don’t believe in Christ, you can’t get to heaven. Well that eliminates two thirds of the world’s population!”

“The Roman Catholics teach that unless you’re a Roman Catholic you do not go to heaven.”

“They may not use the word better. But they certainly believe that they’ll go to heaven and Jews will not.”

“I was told to challenge every spiritual teacher, every world leader to utter the one sentence that no religion, no political party, and no nation on the face of the earth will dare utter: ‘Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way.”

“It becomes ‘our neighborhood is better than your neighborhood.’ It becomes ‘our family is better than your family.’”

“It graduates to ‘our state is better than your state,’ and ‘our nation is better than your nation.’ And it circles all the way around to where it started: ‘Our God is better than your God.’”

“If we win, someone else loses. But if someone else loses, we lose. Which is a point we’re not getting. The new spirituality will make this just painfully obvious.”

“It’ll become obvious that we’ve really been working against ourselves.”

“I called my book series the ‘with God series.’ And this next ‘with God’ book is Friendship with God. This books challenges us to bring about the end of ‘better’ on this planet.”

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, “101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life.” Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. drdorothy.net drdorothy.net

I was going to do a reviews for the books on my favorite books list but I am now reading through Think and Grow Rich again and I realized that it is so full jam-packed with good information that instead I could just do brief summaries of each chapter individually, so this is the first one. I am going to start with the chapter on desire with is actually the second chapter because the first is kind of an introduction.

Desire is the number one most important thing for any kind of success. If you don’t have any desire to accomplish anything than you will not have the willpower or follow-through to be a success at whatever you want.

In the book Think and Grow Rich it tells a story of a great warrior who was taking his men into battle against an enemy that far outnumbered them. He need a way to ensure that him and his men would have victory in the upcoming battle. So he ordered that the ships they sailed on be burn cutting of any possible way of retreat. As he and his men stood on the shore watching their ships burn he turned to them and said, “You see the ships going up in smoke. That means that we cannot leave these shores alive unless we win! We now have no choice – we win – or we perish. Needless to say they won.

That is the type of attitude one needs to have if they expect to succeed at anything. You will need to cut off all hope of retreat leaving victory as your only option. If yo try to enter into any type of endeavor with out having “burned your ships” how will you ever be able to move forward.

If you know what you want and have a burning desire to see it through to the end than nothing can stop you. A person with definiteness of purpose back by a burning desire is one of the greatest force known. It was these traits that allowed Wright Brothers to build and fly the first airplane. It was these traits that took Thomas Edison from being someone who people thought was mentally inept to becoming known as one of the greatest minds of the Twentieth Century. And it is desire that will get you to wherever you want to go in life.

For articles and information about success and living a successful life visit vvega511.blogspot.com vvega511.blogspot.com

If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 >feet by 8 feet that is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, because it thinks it can’t, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top. (Parallel…. Many times in life, we fall into habits that cause us to remain a prisoner to the life we do not wish to live. We think we have no exit. The ordinary bat that many fear needlessly, a remarkably nimble creature of the night air, thinks it cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

(Parallel…. We stay stuck in the same old rut because we think

Terri and her co-worker, Jamie, ran into each other in the coffee room. Jamie recalled that Terri was having some work done on her house and asked how it was going. “Awful!” said Terri. “The builder won’t listen to me and I have to ask my husband to raise my concerns for me. What a chauvinist that builder turned out to be.”

Jamie replied, “You should just ask your husband to stop talking to the builder, so that the builder has to communicate with you in order to move forward with the work.”

“We tried that approach,” answered Terri, “and the result was even worse. The builder just made his own decisions and we ended up having to move a light fixture after the wallboard was already up. What a mess.”

“Well,” said Jamie, “Have you tried sitting the builder down and letting him know that he needs to be able to listen to both of you? He clearly needs a talking to.”

“It’s not as simple as that, Jamie. We’ve thought of all the obvious approaches.”

“Then maybe you should find another builder, Terri. No one should have to put up with such blatant sexism in their own home.”

“Jamie,” asked Terri, “what part of my brain do you think I’m not properly using? If it were that simple, don’t you think we’d already have done that?”

Incensed, Jamie started to walk away with her coffee, saying under her breath, “Don’t take your frustration with the builder out on me. I was just trying to help.”

There’s nothing like the desire to help manifested in a most unhelpful way. The problem here was not, of course, Terri’s frustration with the builder or Jamie’s desire to be helpful. The problem Jamie’s ineffective advice giving as the only way she knew how to offer help.

First, she offered advice without asking whether Terri wanted any. Then she proceeded to offer suggestions without having any real knowledge of what had been tried so far or what had been considered and rejected as a strategy. She plunged in with minimal knowledge of the situation and its complexities, which resulted in Terri having to explain why each piece of advice wasn’t helpful, something that’s just wasteful replay for Terri. She also insulted Terri’s intelligence inadvertently, since it’s likely that Terri and her husband were probably capable of generating the obvious solutions on their own. In essence, Jamie ended up making the conversation all about her own “good” ideas instead of doing anything that Terri might find truly helpful. Neither woman needed more tension in their lives.

Next time you find yourself opening your mouth to give advice, close it again, at least for a moment. If you’re an inveterate advice-giver, you’ll have to work extra hard to break a pattern. Instead of blindly giving counsel, ask:

Can I be helpful in some way? What would help?
What have you tried so far?
Are there options you’ve considered but haven’t tried?
I have some ideas you haven’t mentioned yet. Would you like to hear them?

Think “prompter” or “coach” instead of “fixer.”

Dr. Tammy Lenski is the author of