Why is the pursuit of happiness a waste of time? Why is stumbling on happiness highly unlikely? Why is the bluebird of happiness just a nice idea?

a. Because happiness isn’t hidden…like a rare emerald in the belly button of a stone goddess…somewhere out there in the jungle of life.

b. Because happiness is an abstract noun…not a concrete one. It’s impossible to “stumble” on happiness or even stub your toe on it. It’s not a substance…it’s something ethereal.

c. Because happiness doesn’t come from bluebirds…no matter how pleased you are to see one.

What is “the art of happiness”?

Happiness is not an art…it’s a skill. And like any skill it is learned with practice. All art is nothing but the careful camouflage of skills.

Isn’t it an artist’s skill that makes a two-dimensional picture draw you in as if it were real…Isn’t it an author’s carefully arranged word combinations that create powerful feelings or ideas in you…or make you buy stuff you don’t need. And happiness is not a gift…a freebie from God. A woman once prayed…”Please God make me happy.” God answered…”No! I will give you blessings…but happiness is up to you.” We have to choose happiness…or unhappiness if we prefer.

And that brings us to the heart of the matter…the way to happiness.

How does happiness happen?

It doesn’t just happen. Happiness is what you get after you do certain things. Happiness comes from you. It doesn’t have to be pursued as if it has a life of its own apart from you…and was running off somewhere.

The first thing you need for happiness comes from Abraham Lincoln who said: “People are about as happy as they decide to be.” So happiness starts within you…not with someone or something else.

When is the best time to decide to be happy?

Any time is a good time. You may be depressed even or stressed when you make that decision…like the starving Scarlett O’Hara who decided never to be hungry again…as she plucked a carrot out of the ground.

What’s the next step after you make a decision?

Well first you have to test whether or not you’ve made a decision…or a just a wish. You can tell the difference because a wish is passive and must be granted by someone else…like Snow White waiting to be rescued (even Sleepy and Dopey knew how to get out of that forest). Unlike a wish…a decision leads to personal action. You’re in charge of making your decisions real…even if you get help from others…like Olympic athletes do.

Is a decision enough to be happy?

It’s only the first step…then you have to make another decision to implement the first one. What will make you happy? Here’s where some people fall into the trap of confusing the end with the means. Some people say winning the lottery…or meeting the lover of their dreams…will make them happy. But it won’t…money…people or objects by themselves don’t produce happiness. You need something else.

Which Scrooge are you?

Scrooge in Dickens’s A Christmas Carol made money an end in itself. His soul was shriveled in miserly misery…and he gave generously from his abundant unhappiness every chance he got.

Scrooge found true happiness when he realized from his dreams that he could use money as a means…as the way to express…not acquire…happiness. And he ordered a big juicy turkey be sent from the butcher’s for a Christmas celebration at his poor clerk’s house.

But it wasn’t the gold coin he tossed down to the errand boy…and told him to keep the change…or the turkey that made Scrooge happy. He was already happy before he did those things. So where did his happiness come from?

It came from sheer gratitude.

He had another chance at life…a chance to warm the world about him and so to find the depths of his own good natured soul…and to revel there.

With that sense of gratitude…the Crachit family would have welcomed him even without the Christmas turkey. The gold coin and the turkey were the result of his happiness…not its cause. And gratitude is the reason the poor Cratchits were so happy. Lacking the luxuries of life…they were grateful for having each other. If anyone ever calls you a Scrooge…just ask them which one?…before or after his dreams.

So…to be happy you must do several things…

First… you need understand that only you can create your own happiness…the world does not seek you out to make you happy. The goddess of the lottery is not looking for your ticket.

Second…you must decide to be happy because that will make you take action to do what will create happiness in your life.

Third…all happiness springs from gratitude. Gratitude for friends, family, people who love you, people you love, good neighbors, your pet, whatever health you have, whatever possessions you enjoy.

How does someone become grateful?

Gratitude is a habit…and there are dozens of opportunities everyday to practice it. And they’re all easy. When someone motions you to merge in front of them on a crowded highway…thank them with a wave and a smile…the smile develops the habit of being warm toward others. When someone let’s you through a door first…a thank you warmed by a smile helps you develop the habit of gratitude. Do it all day long…with everyone every chance you get. Gratitude is the proper form of deference to pay to anyone…servant and king alike. Within a week you will have a sense of gratitude the minute you open your eyes in the morning…and as you close them at night. And it’s important to develop this skill of gratitude because…

Your values begin to change and develop and to open up new areas of life for you to try out. You begin to understand better what really will make you happy…and you invest your time there. You sort out more easily what is important and what is small stuff. You become more patient with yourself and with others. Other people seem to like you more…you seem to like other people more.

So if you want to find the way to happiness…stop pursuing it…start creating it for yourself.

Thomas Drummond, Ph.D. is trained in clinical, developmental and neuropsychology. He has worked with the problems of clergy and religious of the catholic church for more than 20 years. Many thought that true happiness could not be found within their consecrated lifestyle. They went in pursuit of happiness in ways that were inconsistent with the vows they took. For more information visit boundaries-for-effective-ministry.org boundaries-for-effective-ministry.org

Stress, the big killer of our 20th century comes from the classic flight or flight reaction, is supposed to keep us alive and healthy.

Today we usually neither flight nor fly, but keep all the stress inside. It eats us alive, and breaks down our immune system, gives us heart attacks, even cancer.

You can beat stress and be happy. Here are 5 best tips to follow.

Tip 1 – Identify the Stressor

There are many things that cause stress in us. It can be another person, a situation, our own actions, and a combination of all three.

To beat stress we must first clearly identify what it is that is stressing us.

Once identified, and clearly so, and we know its nature, we can react to it, manage it, and reduce its effect on us.

You can’t do it if you don’t know what is stressing you.

Tip 2 – Identify the Stress Symptoms

Each of us reacts differently to stress. Some of us get high blood pressure, others feel fatigue, and some of us get muscular tractions.

Know yourself and your symptoms. You will easily identify them the next time you know you are stressed. When you feel them, you must do immediately the advice in Tip 5.

Tip 3 – Understand Your Body’s Reaction

Once you have clearly understood what is stressing you and how it is causing symptoms in your body, you must understand what they are doing to you.

If you are becoming nervous, losing your good mood, feeling depressed, whatever, you know your body has reacted in a chemical-physical way.

This understanding is half of the method of beating stress. This self-awareness will assist you to manage the stressor and the stress itself.

Tip 4 – STOP and Take a Moment for Yourself

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you can just stop a moment and withdraw form any and all situations.

It’s only a moment, but in that brief moment you will gain some clarity of mind and purpose. Understanding you have passed the first three tips, its now time to just stop. Naturally if you are in the middle of a fight or game, you can’t just stop, but there will be a moment soon where you can. Stop, just for a moment.

Tip 5 – Stress Management

At this point, its time to manage stress. Depending on where you are, there are three steps to return to a normal and unstressed state.

• Deep breathing.

With eyes closed, take several deep and satisfying breaths. With each exhalation mentally exhale the stressor and stress and with each inhalation, mentally inhale peace and balance.

• Get some water on your face and wrists.

If at all possible, remove yourself to a bathroom, and wash your hands and face. Be sure some cool water goes on your wrists. Your blood pressure will come down, and your body will understand its time to return to normal.

Repeat the following phase to yourself mentally, or out load if you wish, “My normal state is to be happy, healthy and positive. The stressors are not going to affect me any longer, and the stress has left me” Say this at least 3 times and believe it.

Even reading this article can reduce your stress. Really your normal state is to be happy, healthy and positive. Beat stress and be happy.

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People forget the great power they hold within-the power to shape their life. Our life is shaped by the choices we make. You are the one who choose how to live your life or create your life’s path. Our first step is to choose the type of life path we want-hills and valleys or rolling plains. Remember you ultimately make the choice.

How do I create a life path?

Start by visualizing the life you really want. What does it look like, what does it feel like. Write it down. Describe it in detail so it becomes alive and real for you.

Is there such a thing as a perfect life path?

Ok you spend a great deal of time creating the perfect path for yourself. Two things to remember life is never perfect and road we take can become bumpy and painful because of the choices we make along the way.

What do I do when the path gets bumpy?

Yes, there may be times we make choices that cause our path to become bumpy, confusing and uncertain. Our path seems like a series of hills and valleys there is never any balance.

When this happens, we should stop and examine the choices we made that have taken us down this path. We should evaluate those choices and identify alternative or new choices that will bring us back to our true path-the one we originally created. Once again we shape our lives by the choices we make.

What about the unexpected?

Despite the wise choices we made and make in creating our path, things happen in life that we cannot control or the “unexpected”. We shape our lives by the choices we make.

We can choose to give up or we can choose to keep going and turn the situation into a positive vs. a negative. We can spend our energy looking for positive solutions or we can waste our time focusing on the problem which is negative energy that will get us no where fast.

Once again it’s the choice you make that shapes your life.

What’s the payback for looking towards solutions?

You can look for a solution or you can dwell on the problem each choice has a different affect on your life. The choice is yours. Positive energy focused on solutions tends to bring positive results in all areas of our life. The results can take the form of happiness, satisfaction, inner peace, humility, a sense of accomplishment and achievement, increased self esteem, greater self confidence those are just a few.

Once again, it’s the choices you make that shape your life even when life brings you the unexpected or unpleasant.

When we choose to turn bumps in road into success experiences, we reach new levels of success and enhance our overall quality of life. In fact it is these choices we make that inspire us and positively transform our lives.

We are motivated to go for more in life, to reach new levels of learning and self awareness. We experience a sense of balance, happiness and harmony in our lives. We dare to live our life a bit more fearlessly-taking risks and using our inner creativity more freely. We experience an increased sense of self esteem, confidence, courage, wisdom and inner peace.

Wow, that’s an awesome pay off for going positively with the flow. Now that’s a wonderful life. Yes, but that was he choice you made.

So I say to you once again, the choices we make shape our lives.

How do I start?

The secret of making wise choices is based on our values, morals, principles and self awareness.

What about emotions?

Choices should not be based purely on emotions. The wiser approach is to consider the state of our emotions when we make choices. The best choices are made when we recognize and understand our emotions and have skills at using this awareness to manage yourself, your choices and relationships with others. The ability to understand our emotions and the emotions of others is an important emotional skill to have when making choices. We call this Emotional Intelligence- EQ.

What about Emotional Intelligence or EQ Coaching?

“Emotional Intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions, and your skills at using this awareness to manage yourself and relationships with others.”- Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, “The Emotional Intelligence Quickbook”

In 1995, Daniel Goleman’s first book was published and Emotional Intelligence became a much talked about topic in classrooms and boardrooms. The term, EQ (Emotional Quotient), was mainstream. But the study of EQ was not new. It had been around for over 30 years. It wasn’t until the early 1990s however that EQ emerged as a strong indicator of future success. Psychologists Jack Mayer and Peter Salovey (Yale University) confirmed that IQ, the traditional measurement of intelligence, is not the most important factor in determining success in life – but that EQ is the major indicator of achievement.

EQ coaching is specifically focused on the development of emotional skills to increase personal effectiveness and enable one to demonstrate the competencies at work and in life that result in success. EQ coaching involves a process of creating discovery, which supports the clients to become more aware of and understand their own emotions and the emotions of others. EQ coaching also focuses on building emotional skill.

Clients quickly recognize the value of emotional self-awareness, but don’t know how to become more aware. Generally speaking, through social conditioning people have become better at avoiding feelings than recognizing, understanding and using them effectively. So part of a good EQ coach’s role is to be an instructor in emotional literacy – recognizing, using and effectively expressing emotions.

As with all coaching, emotional intelligence coaching involves identifying new choices and taking new actions. EQ coaches, support clients to recognize the relationship between their thoughts, feelings and actions, identify possibilities for new behaviors, and take new actions to create different results and make better choices.

How do I get started?

Here some action steps to help you make wise choices that positively shape you life.

1.Determine what you want from life- Visualize what it looks and feels like. Write it down. Draw pictures, use shapes, symbols and colors to truly capture the life you want and love.

2.Clarify your values. Make a list of the things in life that are most important to you-write them down and in order of importance.

3.Identify your morals and guiding principles by which you live your life. Write down at least 10 qualities that reflect your morals and principles you hold yourself true to. Such as honesty, integrity, loyalty, compassion, dedication, humility

4.Look at the “current reality” when you make choices. What’s the reality of the situation?

5.Develop and build your emotional skills. When you recognize the relationship between your thoughts, feelings and actions you can identify possibilities for new behaviors, and take new actions to create different results and make better choices.

Eleanor Roosevelt sums it all up in the following quote:
“One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” – Eleanor Roosevelt, first lady

© 2007 Carol Giannantonio Coaching and Consulting Services. All Rights Reserved

Carol Giannantonio supports individuals and businesses clarify their values and identify areas for change in their personal and professional life. Carol unique goal setting process enables her clients to set meaningful goals and actions to achieve the change they desire and transform their lives and businesses. Her clients have achieved greater self confidence, unlocked their creativity, and discovered a new sense of joy and passion for their lives and careers. As her clients reach their full potential they begin to enjoy a life they want and love! Carol is an Educator, Life, Business and Career coach who specializes in supporting people break through limitations, tap into their energy, develop and manage their emotional skills and reach self awareness through Coaching. Her guiding principle is, “Go The Distance to Reach Your Dreams” Please visit her Web site carolgcoach.com carolgcoach.com or contact her at mailto:carolgcoach@aol.com carolgcoach@aol.com

The Ancient Wisdom Teachings, which have existed for several thousands of years, are esoteric and mystical in nature, for they are not confined to the dogmas and doctrines created by religious theologian throughout history. Religions represent mankind’s search for God, whereas Mysticism is a seeker’s experience of God. Religion is based on faith and belief, which is the first phase of the journey; however, Mysticism is experiential spirituality, the second phase of the journey. Too often seekers get stuck in a holding pattern in the first phase, and never ascend to the next level. This next level is where true spiritual growth takes place, where our quest for Divine Union occurs.

The word “esoteric” to the uninformed is always misunderstood. The new aspirant often understands the esoteric as hidden or secret occult teachings excluded to a select few. This is a naïve perspective, for this is the most commonly accepted interpretation. The idea that the higher teachings should be strictly concealed is a common misconception, seen more in practice by secret schools than by their actual nature. In fact, this concept is an exoteric explanation of the more esoteric reality, which is considered to be great mysteries of the ages.

The Greater Mysteries are esoteric not merely because secret societies and mystical schools have concealed their advanced teachings, which has been the common practice even in ancient times, but ultimately because the true Wisdom of God’s Truth is beyond the human intellect. The genuine Truth can only be realized and experienced in the heart and soul; however, the mind will be enlightened in the process and the understanding will increase. The fact is, the unawakened person simply will not be able to comprehend these deeper teachings, hence, he rejects them. Often the unenlightened will become aggressive in their rejection and skepticism, because they often tend to ridicule students of such esoteric teachings. This is the commonest reason the mystery schools and Gnostic groups have cloaked their teachings, due to persecution from outsiders. The most typical assailants to the esoteric schools were the staunch orthodox religious communities who accused them of heresy, particularly the Roman Catholic Church in the Dark Ages that initiated the Inquisition and its horrible acts of persecution. Members of these mystical groups were all too often alleged of being inspired by Satan or evil forces, in spite of their sincere claims of being servants of God or followers of Jesus Christ. Therefore, such schools would be forced to withdraw from the public, to move underground, or be scattered to the four winds. They would spread their wisdom teachings secretly, and quite frequently disguised them with obscure allegory and symbolism. Some schools told mystical stories cloaked in deep symbolism that only the enlightened would understand, a tool Jesus Christ used in his parables to his disciples. Another example of this is the vehicle of the Tarot cards. Only trained Initiates of esoteric teachings could decipher the true meaning and occult significance hidden beneath the elaborate symbols and archetypes of these mystical, archaic cards. The exoteric and esoteric levels are found within the occult cards, hence a prime example of what mystics called the Lesser and the Greater Mysteries. The Cabbala is yet another example, and likewise this has been used as a foundation for the Tarot system.

We no longer live in the Dark Ages, although many people and schools continue to entertain the stubborn attitude of staunchly concealing the mysteries in practice and belief. Nonetheless, we believe, in this current age of a New Enlightenment that it is time for the Mysteries to be revealed. They have been artificially concealed too long now. However, we have no intention in “casting pearls before swine,” but those who are not interested in the Ancient Wisdom Teachings will not bother with them. Yes, there are the persecutors of every age, and we must deal with them accordingly. In most civilized countries, this is not as extreme as it has been in ages past, when concealment of the Mysteries was a common practice. Mankind in general had a very closed mind to any teachings out of the ordinary, hence, barbaric means of torture and persecution ensued. There is no need for the severe shielding of the Wisdom Teachings any longer, for the mind of the human being has been opening continually in recent centuries. Through investigations, experimentation, and discoveries, the advancement of Science has revealed extensive knowledge to people that the old mystics already knew or presumed. Certain discoveries or insights that were once considered esoteric or hidden science has been revealed in our education systems and has become commonplace now, such as certain elements found in the fields of astronomy, physics, biology, arithmetic, music, and so on. However, not all has been shown as yet. The Ancient Wisdom Teachings in many of its higher aspects is still held quietly by the Initiates and Teachers of various mystical schools. Those aspirants who do seek it will find it. The true teachings of the Ancient Wisdom, by their very nature, will separate the wheat from the chaff, for only the diligent seekers and enlightened ones will be able to comprehend the inner truth, because they are better prepared and are more receptive. Any aspirant who seeks shall find, and when he finds the truth, he shall be set free.

Often it is the Lesser Mysteries that are publicly taught, the exoteric level of the Ancient Wisdom. The Greater Mysteries are often reserved for Initiates and Adepts, because the inner Wisdom is revealed internally. For example, the deeper realities of Esoteric Initiations are reserved for those who have been newly initiated through the gates of Higher Wisdom, because they have begun to understand and experience these higher realities. Once this initiates advances further through spiritual unfoldment, realizing the God-Self within, he too can teach and initiate others. Using the symbology of the ancient Tabernacle, the Neophyte studies in the outer court, the Initiate practices in the second court or holy place, and the Priest and the Master (or High Priest) reside in the Holy of Holies, where these adepts teach and initiate students. This is the basic framework found in most Mystery Schools.

In certain occult schools in past ages, members would have to swear an oath of death to prevent them from speaking of the High Teachings of their inner circle to the unenlightened. There are reports that a few actually broke their oath and wrote of or taught others, so they suffered the consequences. Clearly, this death-oath is too drastic a measure and totally unnecessary. We are thankful that times do change for the better. In this current age of the Enlightened Mind, we declare that you must teach the Teachings, to spread the Word to all who would receive it. However, we believe as St. Paul does, that we should give the beginner milk, and next soft food, and eventually strong meat. This is the giving forth of the Lesser Mysteries first, then thereafter the Greater Mysteries. Concerning this, St. Paul’s said: “And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as to babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto you were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.” I Corinthians 3:1-2

It may seem paradoxical to declare that we must teach the Higher Teachings, then to say we must not cast pearls before swine. This is why we offer the Lesser Mysteries to all, which are doorways to what is next, because the Greater Mysteries will follow when the seeker becomes a true Initiate. It would be unwise to directly teach deeper principles to the unenlightened, but we must give them milk first. First we prepare the way with digestible teachings, and then we give them the deeper realities when they are ready. In this way we are not concealing the teachings, but simply presenting a step-by-step process.

In past ages, there were two reasons for concealment of the Esoteric Teachings. The first was due to the unenlightened minds of people in general who were either hardhearted and skeptical or unprepared and could not comprehend deeper truths. The second involved the continual persecutions upon the schools of wisdom. Through spiritual evolution, mankind’s mind has matured to a degree, since thousands of years ago, where it can now receive the higher teachings. The sincere aspirant can more readily receive the deeper wisdom, and likewise, the barbaric and extreme means of persecution in civilized countries are practically nonexistent now. We cannot speak for all nations in this world, for we can only say the overall change covers many lands and many peoples.

The genuine Esoteric Teachings are not usually found in the conventional education system; however, if you are intuitively perceptive, you can indeed find fragments sprinkled here and there in certain university courses, or other areas of life, if you know where to look. That is, certain keys that seem like blinds or even vague hints will indeed be revealed to the intuitive seeker. You can discover universal principles in physics and the science of the atom; or realize that the building blocks of creation are in geometry and mathematics; or disclose a deeper science of the mind and soul in psychology; or explore cosmic realities in astronomy; or witness that the study of human anatomy reveals the living alchemical laboratory of the physical body. These are simple examples, and are merely the tip of the iceberg.

There will come a day when these deeper teachings will not be isolated to only the mystery schools or secret fraternities, but they will become commonplace, and shall be found in the universities or other educational systems. Certain instructors or professors even now, who are enlightened, may subtly teach the Teachings of Truth through their courses, yet in a veiled manner, just as Jesus spoke the parables to the multitudes, because there were many who could not hear the deeper mysteries. Such educators know they cannot teach these realities overtly, lest they be scorned by their administrators or students alike. The orthodox educational system is still growing and will expand its parameters in due time.

Regardless, we have indeed evolved spiritually and mentally since several thousands of years ago, this cannot be denied. But we still have quite a ways to go, because greed, distrust, hatred, and war still thrive in this world. However, the Ancient Wisdom Teachings have spread further across the globe, being revealed with far less restrictions than in past ages, whether it’s through the media, as in television and radio, the Internet, literature, CDs and DVDs, or simply given by gurus and teachers of this age. Currently, there are many ways to reveal these teachings, and our minds are indeed opening further. Therefore, the awakening and illumination of more people becomes more prevalent than ever before.

Copyright 2001, 2007 by Matthew Martin
All Rights Reserved