What is it that gives some people a vast reservoir of self confidence, and others such a crushing lack of it? It is almost like there is only a finite amount and when one person increases their self confidence then it drains it from someone else. Here I am going to show you that anyone can build their confidence and give you my 5 top tips to building rock solid self confidence:

Tip #1 – Make a list of your strong points or successes.
Yes I know you don’t want to do this part, nobody ever does! However if you write out every weekend a list of all your positive achievements in life, all your strengths and everything you have to be grateful about, then you are slowly increasing your self confidence. Forget about any negative events or any weaknesses, play a game with me and just pretend that they are not there while you write.

Tip #2 – Never openly put yourself down or say you are not capable of something.
This had a huge effect on me and my self confidence, and it is amazing just how often we do this, and what a detrimental effect it can have on your psyche. If you are talking to someone and you say something like, ‘I could never do that, I’m just not good with figures’ etc, then you are affirming negativity about yourself. You may see it as a passing remark, a gentle jibe at yourself or just a joke, but in reality you are letting your subconscious know that you don’t have confidence in yourself. Stop doing it, say instead, ‘I could do that if I brushed up on my grasp of figures’. You can do anything you put your mind to, now start your mind believing that! If you catch yourself saying anything negative then just stop and switch it round to saying something positive. You will soon start to notice that you say negative things a lot more than you would imagine.

Tip #3 – Set daily goals
Self confidence is built up in small positive steps. Each day set yourself a goal, in can be something easy or something hard, as long as you know you can achieve it. Write down that you are going to achieve this and go out and do it. When you finish the day write down that you achieved your goal and any comments about it you would like to make. If you fail to meet your goal then just move it to the next day and don’t comment on it. You will soon find that you enjoy the feeling of achieving something every day and your self confidence grows as you see that you can achieve you goals consistently, you start to believe in yourself.

Tip #4 – Model people
We all have people that we look up to, whether in work or out of work, well if they have the self confidence that you want then you can model them. The best way to do it is to speak to them to see if they have any tips for you, but I know that could be embarrassing, so start to model the way they walk, the way they stand, start to watch how they handle situations. When you come across a tricky situation try and think how the person you are modelling would handle it, you will be amazed at the boost in self confidence this ‘play acting’ can give you. It kind of absolves you of the responsibility of being confident for a time, and in the end you get so used to playing confident that you are!

Tip #5 – Visualise your success
Take the time out at the end of the day to visualise yourself successfully doing whatever it is you have to do the next day, run through it all in your head going to plan. Then when the time comes you have effectively done it all before, and done it perfectly, so you will lose some of the nerves and will be more confident. Each time you do this and pull it off the next day then your self confidence will slowly blossom!

Now I know some of these seem like hard work, and we all hate hard work, but please agree to try them out for 30 days, what is 30 days in the long run for the confidence that you desire? If they do not work for you then discard them, but they will and you will see an increase in your self confidence in a very short period of time. If you have any setbacks then just forget about them and continue on the upwards spiral towards the supremely confident new you!

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You know that you’ve settled for the consolation prize when you achieve all of your goals and they don’t make you happy. One day I was sitting in a plush hotel in Auckland. I had just completed a successful tour of speaking engagements and
seminars and I had written two very successful books yet all I could think about was how far removed my life was from my original plans.

The worst thing about that time in my life was that I didn’t know what I wanted. It was only later as I formalised and worked through the Ten Steps, which is a life coaching process I teach that I realised that we always know what we wantonly sometimes our dreams get buried beneath a mountain of hurt feelings and disappointments. Rather than face another disappointment or more pain, we delude ourselves into thinking that we don’t know what we want. I was no exception.

As I worked at transforming my life I gave up a successful business to start another which was a financial disaster. For a period of time after that I kept making one mistake after another, losing more money and confidence in the process. While on the outside things appeared bleak, this time in my life motivated me to do the work that I do today.

Life often presents our greatest opportunities under the guise of problems and I was aware that I’d created my success before and I knew I could do it again. However, this time I decided I wanted a formula, a step-by-step process that I could use to create what I want, so that I wouldn’t keep making the same mistakes.

As I experimented with and lived the Ten Steps my life began to flow and change for the better. I experienced synchronicity where the right people and the right opportunities seem to appear out of the bluethe reality is that we attract them when we are congruent with our thoughts, words and actions. Over the next twelve months I achieved more personal goals than I had in the previous five years, I now wanted to help others who were lost and confused as I had been.

The foundation of the Ten Step process is living your life’s purpose. Many think of their life’s purpose as something they want to achieve, some people say, ‘I want to help others’ or, ‘I want to teach’. These are very valid goals, but they are only one part of your life’s purpose. Your goals are not you. Your purpose is being the person you choose to be, you demonstrate this choice through your actions on a daily basis. Who you choose to be is the code of honour that you choose to live by.

Knowing and living according to your being values has a twofold benefit. Firstly by making a commitment to demonstrate your being values on a daily basis you have a very clear code of ethics and standards to live by, this makes it easier for you respond positively to the ups and downs of daily living. Secondly, by choosing to act on these values you break the pattern of reacting, and this is how you change old beliefs and create new beliefs about yourself.

Let me give you an example of how this works. If a person cuts you off just as you are about to drive into a parking spot, think about how you want to act. If you reacted you might be tempted to make a rude gesture or give them a black lookyou could let another person’s actions spoil your day. Or, you can act like the person you choose to be and look upon this incident as an opportunity for you to demonstrate being kind and generous. Over time you’ll feel so good about yourself.

When you react you give your power away. Life coaching is about assisting you to break this pattern. A good coach supports you in gaining clarity and making whatever changes are necessary so that you too can create a life you love.

When you change your perception of the world, the world in turn changes its perception of you,then anything is possible.

Anne Hartley is the founder of Hart Life Coaching and the author of four books, Love The Life You Live, Life Lessons, Love Your Money Love Your Life and Psychology of Money. Anne started her career as a single mother of two working from her kitchen table. She now runs a life coach training and publishing business and is committed to making a difference by teaching individuals personal empowerment skills.

How would your life shift if you moved into what you feared not away from it, if you moved into the future with controlled abandon –think about it! One of the things I know from working with people for close to two decades and from my own development is that – things change. And yet how many people say they hate change. If change is inevitable in growth and you hate change you have a bad equation for a good life.

One of the main reasons that people hate change is that they are afraid of it. Change implies that you have to move into unknown territory. Consider these two questions.

Where does fear rule your life?

What would you do, who would you be, where would you go if your fear were merely a stepping-stone to more power?

If you are honest with yourself you could list numerous areas of life that you sidestep due to unchallenged fear. Think of the conversations you don’t have, the people you don’t let yourself meet, the business or life decisions you make designed to avoid fear. The thing that most people are afraid of is the unknown – not knowing the outcome of an action, a relationship, or a decision. Most people gravitate to what they already know and then complain about how boring life is or how nothing ever really changes. Many choose the same course of action repeatedly even though it has proven not to bring the results they crave. Fear is one of the major dynamics that underlies these decisions.

Psychologically it means that people reinforce an old identity formed by their past, even if that identity is painful. They were taught that they couldn’t have what they want so they continue to live in accordance with that old belief, that old self-identity. Spiritually it means that people don’t explore and open to more of who they really are as beings. Economically it means that people don’t take calculated and informed risks. Fear stifles exploration on many fronts.

But the truth about life is that it does change – moment-to-moment nature’s creativity is working. The planet is changing, life is evolving. And I believe that there is an underlying dynamic in life that works to optimize each of us – if we allow ourselves to move out of our known sphere and experiment with our precious lives. We are designed for growth and Nature works with us in this movement. As the poet Rilke says, “What fights with us is so great.” To directly face our fears and challenge ourselves opens a well of creativity that can truly serve the development of our lives and our businesses.

The events of these last few years have underscored, for many, the fact that what we had previously counted on – the peace and security that we have come to expect – may not be as rock solid as assumed. Where in your life are you living in fear or terror? For some its:

The fear of building a new life after a major illness or loss.

Risking the next level of growth in their business – risking real

success.

Balking on the brink of a creative move out of their comfort zone.

Remaining alone and isolated.

Freezing in financial uncertainty.

Change brings us into unknown territory. The unknown is the underlying dynamic in all of these situations above. But what I have come to find is that Life is richer when we learn to walk into the unknown. When we learn to do this we build our personal power: the power to make change, the power to bring more of ourselves out into the world and into our work. This is the power that is needed in the future – the power to move safely into the unknown. In order to solve the challenges in our lives and on the planet we all need to learn to open to the unknown. For instance fuel cell technology looks like a potential answer to the power struggle over fossil fuels. It will change the way we live. We have to be flexible to that change.

Sometimes the resolution to our personal and professional growth calls on us to really change our perspective, our lifestyle. It starts with honesty about what you want and what you need to change; it leads through the beliefs and ideas that keep the old in place, past the fear – into unknown territory.

This unknown can be rich, exhilarating and creative. If you want to move forward in your life:

Begin by choosing to challenge yourself in an area of your life in which you would like to see change.

Notice what stops you from moving forward, anything that derails your commitment.

Find the support needed to navigate the new territory: a trusted friend to talk to, resources to help you, a coach who can see the bigger picture and help you stay the course.

I love working in this space of the unknown with clients. Here I work with people to develop the tools and the intuitive skill they need to navigate through the unknown not away from it, to frontier their futures, to creatively recognize the solutions they don’t see on their own. This is what is required to empower them so they can turn their fear into power. This is an evolutionary skill that your future success and welfare demand and it is learnable. I scout into the unknown with you and don’t abandon you there but work with you to develop all that is needed for you to safely navigate it yourself.¨

“Feel the truth of what you are and at the same moment act. Risk yourself for what you know is right and true.”

Good coaching is a fusion of this inner opening to the truth and the decision to act!

Copyright 2004 ConnieButler.biz” target=”_new ConnieButler.biz All rights reserved.

About The Author

Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization – moving them past their growth frontier into new territory. She is available for personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached at 305-534-1119 or mailto:connie@conniebutler.biz connie@conniebutler.biz. Ms. Butler is a published author and appears on Entertainment News and Views On-The-Air on Waxy Radio 790AM between 5-7pm every second Friday. Sessions by phone or in person 305-534-1119. conniebutler.biz/programs.php” target=”_new conniebutler.biz/programs.php

“ Every failure is a blessing in disguise, providing it teaches some needed lesson one could not have learned without it. Most so-called Failures are only temporary defeats.”

Napoleon Hill

What is the new structure of 21st century organizations? This is the question most executives must ponder. Leadership expert Gray Kelly proposed that “…future structures must configure ‘real time’ for maximum capacity and connectivity.”

Some individuals point to organizational changes as the result of knowledge workers coming to age. Handy, author of The Age of Paradox, argues that intellectual property will prove to be the most valuable commodity because it has the ability to acquire and apply knowledge for wealth building. Let’s dig deeper.

Here’s the paradox: today’s managers want more control over processes and decision-making while knowledge workers want more independence to make decisions that benefit organization. Tomorrow’s organizations depend on an engaging workforce. Hoyle, author of Leadership and Futuring , suggested a new type of leader that empathizes with workers.

Furthermore, Morgan, author of Imagination, suggested that forward-thinking organizations utilize innovation and imagination to infuse new thinking into their processes while moving beyond traditional bureaucratic boxes. However, for the most part, today’s organizations have a “top down” organizational structure. If organizations want to be competitive in the future, this mindset must change. Only time will determine if this transformation will happen.

References:

Handy, C. (1997). The Age of Paradox. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.

Hoyle, J. (1995). Leadership and Futuring. New York: Corwin Press, Inc.
Morgan, G. (1997). Imagination. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

© 2007 by Daryl D. Green

Daryl D. Green has published over 100 articles in the field of decision-making (personal and organizational), leadership, and organizational behavior. Mr. Green is also the author of four books, including More than a Conqueror: Achieving Personal Fulfillment in Government Service. Do you want to improve your life? Do you want to make better decisions? If you answer “yes,” then go to the ‘master decision-making’ website at darylgreen.org darylgreen.org