The following letter describes a problem experienced by millions of men and women:

“My wife is late to everything, which of course makes me late too. I’ve talked to her about it, over and over, but it doesn’t make any difference. It makes me so mad, but then she gets mad too, and then we don’t speak to each other the rest of the evening. There’s got to be a way out of this.”

First, you need to see that your wife doesn’t make you angry. I know it seems like she does, but really she has little to do with it. We react to events with anger only when we are already empty and afraid-when we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives. Without enough of the single most important ingredient for happiness, we’re in pain all the time, and in that condition it takes virtually nothing to make our pain intolerable and push us over the edge.

When your wife is late, it’s just plain inconvenient. When you already don’t feel loved-as a result of an entire lifetime of unloving experiences-that inconvenience alone is enough to throw you off the tracks. But the truth is, there’s a lot more than just the inconvenience going on. Each time she’s late, you also hear her saying that she doesn’t care about you—that she doesn’t love you—and after a lifetime of hearing that, it’s more than you can stand. When you get angry, you don’t feel quite as helpless-you get a taste of Imitation Love in the form of power-and sometimes you actually motivate her to change her behavior, so that you’re not inconvenienced.

But does your anger really get you what you want? Of course not. What you really want is a loving relationship with her. That’s a lot more important than being on time—really—and every time you get angry at her, you make the higher goal pretty much impossible. Not the best move, would you say? Imagine: The Titanic is sinking, but you’ve left your wallet in your room. You’d like to get your wallet, but are you willing to get it at the price of your life? That really is what’s happening here. You’re trying to be on time at the cost of your marriage. Is it really worth it?

Now, you have to wonder, is it possible to have both? A happy marriage and being on time? Yes, as long as you remember to put Real Love first in the equation.

Right now, when you talk about being on time, because of your anger she can only hear that you don’t love her-so that’s pretty much the end of the conversation. Nothing good can happen after she hears that message. So how can you change that? How can you be more loving?

First, don’t talk to her about being late while she’s late. By that time, you’re upset, and she’s feeling pressured, and you will not have a productive conversation. Talk to her when neither of you is distracted by anything else, and say to her,

“Sweetie, for years I’ve been nagging you about being late, and I’m just beginning to see what an idiot I’ve been to do that. Every time I get angry at you, I’m only thinking of myself, and you can feel that. You hear me say with my behavior that I don’t care about you, and I’m sorry for that-it’s been a huge mistake on my part. Now, I’m not going to promise you I won’t make the same mistake again, but now that I recognize it, I really do think I’ll do it less.”

I make you a promise: In the moment you say this, you will have her attention, because when you’re admitting your selfishness-when you’re not defending yourself and trying to be right-you’re communicating that you care about her.

Does this mean you have to put up with being late to everything for the rest of your life? No, it doesn’t. After apologizing for being selfish, you keep talking to her. Say something like,

what “There’s no excuse for my nagging you and being selfish-It’s wrong, and I’m going to work on that-but I also want to be on time from now on. Notice that I said that *I* want to be on time. I am not telling you what you have to do. So let’s talk about how we could make that possible.”

Now there are lots of options you could discuss with her.

First you need to understand that you don’t have the right to control her. We all get to make our own choices in life, even the ones that inconvenience other people. That’s the Law of Choice that we read about in the book, Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships.

A relationship is a natural result of the choices people make independently. Your wife has chosen to be late-that’s her right to do-but that doesn’t keep you from independently making the choices you want. You can still choose to be on time, but it should be obvious that if you choose to be on time to an event, and she chooses to be late, you won’t be able to travel together to that event.

Tell her that you are not going to be angry anymore, but you’re also going to be on time, so on occasion that might require that you take separate transportation. Tell her that each time the two of you are going somewhere together, you’ll tell her ahead of time exactly what time you’ll be leaving, and if she wants to go with you, she’ll need to be in the car by that time. You are not telling her what to do-is that clear?-you’re simply choosing to be on time yourself, and then you’re giving her the choice of whether or not she wants to go with you. If she chooses not to be on time-no problem-she can still go to the event, and she can still spend time with you
AT the event, but she won’t be able to travel there with you.

So how would that look? You could go in separate cars (if you have more than one), or one of you could figure out another way to get where you’re going-borrow a car, take a taxi or a bus or whatever. Lots of options.

After you’ve described this to her, start leaving at the time you’ve said. Don’t look back as you drive away, do not feel guilty, don’t be angry, and don’t deliver any lectures about being on time. Just do what you’ve said you’d do, and you’ll discover that you don’t have to get upset at the choices of other people anymore. You simply make your own choices and allow other people to make theirs.

She probably won’t believe you’re serious about this until the first time you leave without her. People who are chronically late are pretty selfish. They just don’t think about the time and convenience of other people. They just can’t believe that the world doesn’t revolve around them. The first time you leave before her, she might get angry and say some unkind things. Do not defend yourself. Simply explain to her again-without irritation or a need to be “right”-that you are not making her be on time. You’re just choosing to be on time yourself. If she wants to go with you, she only has to get ready earlier and be ready at the prescribed time. Tell her that you’d love it if she went with you.

This approach could seem harsh to some, but it’s much better than continuing to allow your marriage to be destroyed by the anger and blaming you’re experiencing now. You’re not controlling her in any way. She can still do whatever she wants, but she can’t choose any longer to make you late.

You’ll work this out just fine as long as you remember that it’s always about Real Love. If you become irritated-if she hears that you don’t love her-the conversation is over. You have to accept her completely, and if she really feels that, one of two things will happen:

First-without the deadly distractions of anger and contention, you’ll be able to come up with a way to get both of you there separately: two cars, cab, whatever.

Second-and I’ve seen this happen with many couples-she’ll quit being late. Really. Think about it: Right now, why should she go out of her way to be on time for somebody-you in this case-who gets mad at her and who with his behavior tells her he doesn’t love her. Most of the time, she probably doesn’t want to be with you at all, much less be with you on time. This is no criticism of you-98% of marriages run like this.

As she feels more and more loved by you, though, the odds will improve dramatically that she will want to be with you, and that will include being with you on time.

Remember, it’s always about Real Love.

The world is literally dying from a lack of the one thing essential for our happiness—Real Love. We spend our entire lives trying to replace that unconditional love with praise, power, sex, money, entertainment, safety, and so on. But it never works, and the resulting emptiness and fear are almost too much to bear.

We don’t have to live like this anymore. Greg Baer and RealLove.com are teaching (1) the real cause of fear and anger and (2) how to find this Real Love that replaces the fear, anger, and conflict in our lives with peace, confidence, and genuine happiness.

Dr. Greg Baer is the author of 16 books, DVDs, and CDs—two of which are internationally published by Penguin Putnam Group—and has presented the life-changing message of Real Love to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.

For more information on Real Love, including hours of free streaming video and audio, visit RealLove.com RealLove.com . You’ll be grateful for the rest of your life that you took this step.

For a self help book to work, we have to read right it through to the end. While this may seem like a no-brainer, many people never finish reading books that they buy. In fact many people never read a book after they finish high school.

The next step after reading, is to re-read the important parts and then start doing the exercises – probably every day!

Self help books can give us great information but we actually have to put that information to good use… (sigh)

Ah well! If we don’t have time for a book, how about a tape or CD while we’re driving in the car?

Now that sounds like a good idea It’s called *time management*. We can do two things at once! We can listen between the news bulletins, while watching out for the speed cameras or when driving the kids to school (Mum do we have to listen to that again?)

Or we can prance round all day chanting affirmations, telling ourselves we are prosperous and abundant and how our business is improving . Trouble is we don’t really believe it do we?

Or how about sticking little notes on all the mirrors in our house proclaiming how we are losing weight and getting better and better every day, the kind we have to rush around removing when visitors call….

I’m not saying these things don’t work, they can and sometimes they do. There’s some great motivational books, tapes and CDs out there and they’re helping people all the time. The problem is the majority of us are simply not getting the required results.

So we still haven’t dropped a dress size or made our first million. Our businesses are still stumbling along and the only thing that’s growing is our overdraft (not to mention our waistline)

So what’s the answer? Are we condemned to a life of mediocrity? Do we have to give up on our dreams?

The answer is accountability. We have to be accountable. (No I’m not talking about the tax office) To ourselves! To our futures!

It’s easy to go out and buy a book, a little harder to actually read it. Phew! We then sit back hoping that this time we’ve found the answer, this time we’ll see it through. This time we’re actually going to make it work!

The only way to make your life work is to take action. Start that business, buy that investment property, stick to that healthy eating plan!

Of course do your homework first, make sure your decisions are viable. You don’t have to take uncalculated risks. But don’t get stuck in “analysis paralysis”! Procrastination can sometimes be our worst enemy.

After all if you don’t try you will never succeed and that may be the greatest risk of all.

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” ~ Albert Ellis

Wendy Owen is a client of Jayce McMeeken, the founder of Absolute Coaching International and author of the inspirational book “Believe You Are RICH!”. Want the life of an entrepreneur? Visit Jayce at absolutecoaching.com absolutecoaching.com
Having read most self help books I had the knowlege but not the means to put it into action. Coaching has helped me establish a successful internet business and has filled me with confidence.

Many creative artists are uncomfortable with praise and compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we don’t quite know what to do with positive feedback.

We almost wish people would just “come out and say it,” “it” being the negative thing that they’re REALLY thinking, just to prove our negative self-perception.

Instead, when we can learn how to embrace positive feedback and accept compliments graciously, we open up the door for more positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to BELIEVE them.

Then, when our inner critic starts up again, we can intentionally choose to believe the POSITIVE messages we’ve been receiving.

Here are five steps towards accepting compliments graciously.

1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, “Oh, it was nothing”, do you argue with it by saying, “No, I don’t look good, I look awful!” or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you’re at a complete loss for words?

2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you’d like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response (in front of a mirror is best) until saying it feels natural and sincere.

What to say? A warm and heartfelt, “thank you”, coupled with a smile, is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.

3. Pause. When someone pays you a compliment, stop before you respond. This is where change happens – when we step out of autopilot and try something different. Take a deep breath and remember your wish to accept compliments more graciously.

4. Turn your attention outwards. Focus on the person who’s giving you the compliment. Think about their intentions. Sometimes our inner critic tells us stories about the person being sarcastic, having some kind of ulterior motive or not truly meaning what they say. Instead, expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere.

Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they’ll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.

Consequently, if you belittle their words by arguing, minimizing or looking as if they’ve just insulted you, they’ll remember that as well.

5. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to GIVE more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you’ll be focused more on the other person. As you’re looking for positive things to compliment them on, you’ll also be keeping your thoughts more positive overall, and you’ll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.

© Linda Dessau, 2006.

Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps artists enhance their creativity by addressing their unique self-care issues. Feel like your creativity is blocked? Sign-up for your complimentary copy of the popular e-course, “Roadblocks to Creativity” by visiting genuinecoaching.com genuinecoaching.com.

Is your body screaming out to you for help? It may be either in a physical sense, an emotional one, or even a combination of both. Understand that your conscious and subconscious decisions about you and your life play a large role in your physical and emotional health.

In fact, there is quite alot of study into the direct link between illnesses such as cancers, and people harbouring personal griefs, guilt and negativity in general.

Hi! My name is Deni Griffiths. I have found that to achieve anything, whether it be happiness, work results, great children, relationships, even wealth eventually, you need to create a positive mindset.

That’s why I have called this series of articles, Life’s FUNdaMENTAL! We need to put the fun back into life, and look after our mental well being.

Maybe you feel like things will never be right? Things keep going wrong? It’s possible that you have created yourself a negative cycle on a subconscious level. We need to turn the negative cycle in your life into a positive cycle.

The easy part is realising this. The hard part is taking action. It’s really important that you make these changes now. Don’t let things keep going as they are.

Here’s a little secret that I found out. It is intriguingly obvious, yet I’d never previously given it the attention it deserves. The choices that you have made in your life have lead you to where you are right now.

Imagine this. The thoughts that you have are actual actions. Whatever you think of regularly will give you blueprints on your future decisions. These thoughts are about your ideas, emotions and beliefs creating your attitude. So your attitude assists your decisions, which leads to your results. Now the question is, are you happy with your results?

Do you want the choices you make to improve your life? Do you want the ability to be in a strong position to roll with the punches?

There are so many little things that help me, and I want to share these ideas with you.

Don’t be overwhelmed or feel like it’s a big chore list. Look at it as stepping stones on a path to your fantastic life.

These days, I don’t have to think so hard about trying to achieve these, as most of them are an embedded way of life, and without much effort, the same will happen for you.

Consider what you would like to achieve. Think about the characteristics you admire in other people. Are these people happy, successful, friendly, confident and assertive? Do these people know how to have fun?

Success doesn’t necessarily mean that you have loads of material things. That may only mean that you have a lot of debt. I will talk more about that later on.

I have a warning for you, though. People love to know “how” to do things. That’s only step 1. Step 2 is taking action. Understand that action means results.

The biggest thing about reading anyone’s ideas is that they will only work for you if you are willing to help yourself. At the end of the day, the only person who will help you, is you.

Some things may feel right, and other things may not. This is why it’s important to take advice if it feels right for you.

Deni Griffiths is an advocate for people to find themselves, and to enjoy the journey of life, everyday. She lives in Australia with her husband, who was her childhood sweetheart, and their two teenage boys. For more ideas and information visit DeniGriffiths.com DeniGriffiths.com