“I feel God’s presence when I walk through the woods and take time to look around at all His beautiful creations like the trees and chirping birds,” says Lauren, age 10.

As I write, a seagull sits perched like a sentry atop the building next door. Other gulls glide and dive as children throw crackers. If God can provide for these professional beggars, he can provide for you and me. Quit worrying, and start living.
Let’s follow Jesus’ example by learning a lesson in provision from God’s presence in nature: “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

As the pace of life accelerates and more people find themselves surrounded by pavement and concrete, it’s difficult to sense God’s presence in creation. Without a sense of God’s presence, it’s difficult to worship. If we’re not careful, the pace and pressure of modern life will suck the worship and wonder right out of us.

“I know God is always there for me,” says Ashley, 10. “You should know that God is always there for you, too! God has made lots of humans, creatures, plants and animals. When you see the sun rising or the sun setting, you always know God is there.”

Modern science would have us believe that the Earth keeps spinning on its axis by itself. But we know from the Bible that God created the Earth and the heavens. Without him, nothing would exist (John 1:3; Colossians 1:16).

We have a tendency to think of God as too big to be interested in the details of our lives. Yet, the Bible tells us that God knows the number of hairs on our heads. For some of us, that task would seem a bit easier as the years pass.

“God created the heavens and the earth,” says Dorothy, 10. “I can sense God’s presence everywhere. When I see people loving and caring for me at school or in my family, then I feel that people follow the Lord’s words. When I feel protected and comfortable in my church, I feel that God is with us.”

Nature provides abundant opportunities to sense God’s presence, but they pale in comparison with one godly person in whom God’s Spirit is active. Christians who let God’s Spirit control them carry the fragrance of his grace. Even people who aren’t looking for God can tell something is different.

As the saying goes, “You can run, but you can’t hide.” Jonah learned this lesson the hard way as he took the first submarine ride in the belly of a big fish. When we believe that God is everywhere, we’ll see the wisdom of living open lives before him (Hebrews 4:13).

The Apostle John wrote, “God is light and in Him is no darkness at all” (I John 1:5). Walk in God’s light today, enjoy fellowship with like-minded believers and grow in confidence that God is working through you to weave your life into a plan more glorious than anything you can imagine.

Think about this: The beauty of God’s creation reflects his power and glory, but the beauty of his Spirit alive in his people radiates his power and glory.

Memorize this truth: “Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?” (Psalm 139:7)

Ask this question: Do you sense God’s presence in the beauty of his creation and in people who are walking in his Spirit?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see more material like this, visit

Good news! No matter what your life situation is, or how the past holiday seasons were, you can have a wonderful Christmas.

As a Marriage, Family and Child Therapist, I have helped many people transform their holiday blues to joy. The clients had many painful childhood memories of Christmas. It reminded them of adults fighting about the presents to give, the tree decorations, the meals to serve, and whom to invite for the holidays. The men and women recalled being given no gifts, or feeling disappointed of the presents they did receive. For some clients the holidays intensified their loneliness and loss of what they once did have, because they were divorced or some family members or friends were no longer close or were deceased.

There were also numerous cases of people suffering from post-holiday depression. Their unrealistic expectations set them up for devastating disappointments. They had hoped that they would finally feel loved, accepted and appreciated by their family members when they went home for the holidays. Instead, they experienced the familiar, painful feelings of separation and criticisms.

To assist the clients, I developed a process I call HART, which stands for Holistic And Rapid Transformation. This is one of the HART exercises I used to help these men and women welcome the holiday season and continue to feel good after all the celebrations. Imagine that your loved ones are in front of you, whether or not they are presently alive, and say the following words:

“I forgive you for all the things you did and said that did not feel good to me. I now understand that you were in a lot of pain and you did the best that you could at the time. If you were capable of doing things differently, you would have. I accept that you are basically a loving, kind being, you never meant to hurt me, and you didn’t always know how to express your caring. I realize that no matter what you said or did, I am okay.”

“I forgive myself for all the times I did not act in a loving way because of my pain. I am learning from my mistakes and letting go of the past. I am beginning to believe that I deserve to feel good and to be loved. I am beginning to accept that I am lovable, good enough, worthy, important, attractive, and intelligent. I now realize that I have the power to create my happiness by giving from my heart unconditionally to others and by allowing others to give to me. I understand that my positive thoughts, words and actions are magnetic and draw to me the same.”

“I choose to make this holiday and post-holiday season the first of many wonderful, loving experiences and a model for my daily year round way of living from my heart. I now associate the true spirit of Christmas with love and peace, and I am grateful for the holidays that remind me of the most important things in life. My focus each day is not on what I have accomplished but how much I have expressed caring to others and myself. I am grateful for all the opportunities I have to give to others, and for all that I receive. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me!”

Once you are in the spirit of Christmas, it helps to understand specifically what valuable gifts you can offer others. Even though each one of us is unique, our problems and needs are basically the same. We all want and need to feel okay, worthy, good enough, important, attractive, intelligent, and lovable no matter what our age, social status, color or religion. So give someone a precious present for the holidays (or any time) by telling them or showing them by your deeds or gift how wonderful they are and how much you appreciate them.

If your funds are low, you can still give the most valuable commodity, yourself. For example, make gift certificates offering to: give a back or foot rub, drive them someplace, do their food shopping, clean their windows, repair something, read them a book of their choice, help them problem solve, walk their dog, play a game they like, wash the dishes, cook dinner, paint a room, teach them something they want to learn, or listen to them for an hour. You can also give them something of yours that you think they will appreciate.

If you do not have a family to share with, give yourself a gift and send yourself a loving card expressing how much you appreciate you. You can also give gifts and/or volunteer your time to a service organization such as Big Sister/Big Brother, Salvation Army, or a Nursing Home, Hospital, or School. Open your heart to these people and feel the joy of giving to others. In the act of giving, you will receive a great deal. Focus on the spirit of the holidays, focus on love and you will feel great joy and inner peace which is your greatest contribution to world peace!

Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, author, speaker, teacher and workshop facilitator.
To empower people, she developed a unique process, HART: Holistic And Rapid Transformation (New Book: “All You Need Is HART! Create Love, Joy and Abundance- Now! A unique guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation”.)
Her numerous educational and inspirational materials, lectures, and media appearances (including CNN) have helped millions of men, women, and children internationally to reach their personal and professional goals.
She offers phone sessions, teleconferences, self-help and inspirational books, e-books, tapes, cards, posters, cards, articles, classes, and independent studies.
Helene’s mission is to help people to “love themselves to peace”, which she believes is the key to health, happiness, success, and world peace.
helenerothschild.com www.helenerothschild.com, mailto:helene@helenerothschild.com helene@helenerothschild.com, 1-888-639-6390.

I was five years old, sitting on my fathers lap. He was teaching me to read. English and also Hebrew. I remember his lesson on ‘emes’, Hebrew for ‘truth’.

Being 5, I had no conceptual difference between truth and honesty. What I learned that day was the secret of living free, and very much in line with what I would find in the Neo-Tech Discovery again years later.

Think of Neo-Tech as ‘fully integrated honesty’ and by the time you finish reading this article you will understand it’s power.

That lesson about ‘truth’ touched me, it exhilarated me, I understood at that moment consciously what the power was that I had that I could feel. I remember the lesson clearly.

Honesty is the source of that power.

It was also around this age I snuck down stairs early one morning on the Sabbath to watch TV.

Dad caught me…

Following that I strongly took on the belief that god literally requested certain disciplines of me, as it was this dishonest (secretive disobedience) that I had the experience of relating ‘going against god’ with dishonesty, where I felt my actions as wrong, and so this was now strongly linked to ‘obeying God’.

That is, being honest literally to me meant obeying god’s will.

Being dishonest meant going against god’s will.

What happened to me in-between 5 and 16 will someday make a bibliography helpful to many people.

In brief: My father being Jewish, he raised me as such, I read many stories of great men, kind, knowledgeable, godly men. I moved on to reading Jewish ethics and philosophy… two books that come to mind are ‘Crossing the Narrow Bridge’, and ‘Strive for Truth’.

But by 12 years old, they no longer were satisfying. I had held questions in my mind, some I had asked, but satisfying answers often did not come.

This splinter in my mind, the distinction between trying to figure out reality, and the inadequacies of the only philosophical ideas that I had, pushed me away from Judaism, and I started to read other philosophy books, at 12 years old! using my own curious judgment of whether something made sense or not.

It was at 12 years old that I believe I made the Neo-Tech Discovery for my self.

I remember my first conscious act of blatant dishonesty, my first conscious lie; my first conscious rationalization. I was about 8 or 9. I had stolen a pack of sweets from a shop that I had been in with my father. He found them when we were home later that day, and he asked where had I got them…

It was a little while prior to this, that I learned the difference between truth and honesty. I had read in one of the Jewish works, that a righteous man was permitted to lie, because they understood the realm of god, thus were allowed to cover up and bend the truth.

That didn’t sit right; my view of man became tainted, and the wedge was formed at that moment between my honest free self, possessing the secret of honest open living, and me falling into the anticivilisation milieu of rationalization, ‘truth’, and ‘lying to survive’, which somehow I think led to me justifying to myself taking the sweets.

…Standing before my father, I weighed the options, I introspected with thoughts of, ‘am I righteous enough to lie’ and, ‘honesty is what I know makes me feel good all over’.

I was going to say ‘yes, I had stolen the sweets’, but I remembered that I had read that the righteous man, knowing the realm of god, his lies were really truthful.

‘I always tell the truth… even when I lie’. – Al Pacino, Scarface.

So I said, ‘no, I had not stolen the sweets, I had been given them at school’.

I lied very few times during my childhood experience, yet the wedge separating my experience in reality with my mental thoughts of self-protection and thus my insight between honesty / dishonesty was obviously there.

I stopped fitting in with my peers after age 10. My peers seemed to become thoroughly dishonest, narrow minded, concerned with football and the like; I wasn’t interested, I had started to lose my belief in God, and I had started to lose my honest and free mind, being sucked into the anticivilisation.

I was isolated even from myself, I didn’t feel good anymore, I lost my simple feeling of inner warmth (and a constant presence of satisfying vibration).

With age 15 being the most painful and soul-searching year of my life, at age 16 I was able to reject Judaism, the religion of my father’s side of the family, and even the God Concept (which also included Christianity and Transcendental Meditation from my mothers side).

I was removed from the security of belief in God, and I was removed from the very close, unique relationship I had had with my father.

I was alone, yet unafraid, for the first time since I could remember from that early childhood state.

But this was to lead to my Neo-Tech Discovery some time later.

As a young man, sitting in my cold bedroom, alone, isolated. I turned the front cover of a new book for me to absorb; a huge dusty old manuscript, which began the rediscovery of keys that I had lost.

What I learned that day would serve me for years right up until today in supplying magic codes for unlocking that childhood secret of living free in honesty. I felt exhilarated again, unlike I had since being 10 years old. I remember that day of ‘Discovery’ clearly.

“The Child of the past exists in every adult. Lost within faded memories, that child keeps searching for a life of adventure, discovery, value and happiness. The Neo-Tech concepts let the reader turn inward to discover that child…” – Neo-Tech Advantage #2, from that dusty old manuscript.

I think that I held onto the free and honest mind until much much later in life than most and then to a greater degree than most, as was my conscious observation at the time, which itself created a lot of pain; baring witness to the superficial non-reality of my peers and surrounding adults words.

I retained strong compulsion to honesty, pursuit of reality, and a deep motivational drive to achieve and learn. I felt that I had kept certain characteristics from my childhood: the connection with honesty and the resultant beautiful experience, and also the power that a free and honest mind has in the playground.

But I had lost a lot, in particular, my care-free and larger-than-life experiences.

As I said above, I was sitting in my cold bedroom, alone, isolated. I turned the front cover of this large manuscript.

What I learned that day was the key to regaining that childhood secret of living free. I felt exhilarated again, like we all do in early childhood. I remember that day of re-discovery clearly.”

Once again, I had been presented only the second time ever, with The Key Choice of honesty or dishonesty.

Currently touring Thailand whilst writing and coaching, Nathan Shaw has a 12 page success-matrix.com/missingprinciples/ Life’s Missing Principles Handbook available free.

The act of celebrating naturally inspires a sense of abundance and blessing. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, so it puts us in a very positive, life-affirming state of mind. Celebration is a high form of praise and of gratitude.
Most of us are not into celebrating just for the heck of it. We remember to celebrate holidays and personal events; like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and major achievements like a promotion or retirement. Then we brush off the small wins waiting for the big one. But, isn’t the big success usually the results of a series of small wins?

Celebrating is a matter of choice. And for those who have ultra-high standards or who are our own worst critics, there may be nothing worthy of celebration through an entire lifetime.

A lot of us are starving for good news about ourselves. We get so caught up between where we are and where we hope to be that we forget to pay attention to the things going on in our lives right now. We don’t see what has been accomplished-only how much is left to be done.

By the way, now is a great time to let go of old conditioning that might have indicated that you could not feel good about what you have done lest you travel the downward road to arrogance. Here’s a newsflash for some; to enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean it will be taken from you!

If you accept that celebration is a matter of choice you always have something to celebrate. When you have success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it! Pause, reflect, and rejoice. It doesn’t matter if you shout out Whoopee or if you call your best friend to share the news. Just take time to celebrate each success because it anchors positive feelings into your consciousness which will help build the momentum for more success to come. Like attracts like and our feelings are powerful magnets. What accomplishment can you celebrate? Helping someone through a tough time? Losing those five pounds? Giving that presentation? Did you make a new friend, or renew an old friendship? What is success, anyway? Sometimes it is as simple as tying your own shoes.

Also, become accustomed to accepting compliments with grace. Don’t demean anyone sharing an appreciation by saying something like; it was nothing. Anybody would have done the same thing. It goes with the territory. Respond with a simple “Thank you”. You show respect and compliment the person who had the awareness to notice and you allow yourself a [long overdo] pat on the back.

All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the Universe.You are beautiful, delightful, a joy. You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not.

Life is too important to take seriously –Corky Siegel

Mary Kay is a natural healer, passionate that people discover simplicity and fulfillment in their everyday experiences. She facilitates live events and is available for private and phone consultations. Be sure to visit her website and sign up for her *FREE* Monthly Newsletter, which is filled with inspirational, motivational and helpful information on creating a life you truly love.
If you want Mary Kay to speak at an event in your area or you want to contact her: call 702-239-5451 or e-mail mailto:marykay@sfgtd.com marykay@sfgtd.com.

This is a story to show how when we contribute and put ourselves last, we can be first and people will in return give us back:

“One plum tree with a lot of fruits on it was damaged by fruit collecting boys. Some boys collect fruit by breaking the branches and some by hitting the branches with stick. The other plum tree that never produces fruit said to the fruitful tree, ‘I have no fruit so I do not get hurt by the boys.’ The fruitful tree said, ‘Without any contributions, your life is meaningless.’ The unfruitful tree replied, ‘I don’t care!’ A few years later, there is a drought and all the boys are watering the fruitful tree. The unfruitful tree without water naturally dies.”

From this example, we can ask ourselves. Can a selfish employee stay long in a company? Which person do we like to get along with? Which person do we like to give a helping hand to? Obviously the answer is the unselfish person instead of the selfish person. Likewise with family we can ask ourselves which type of family can last longer. A family with helping and unselfish members will stay united and live peacefully whereas a family with selfish members will fight among themselves for the family properties.

“Heaven is everlasting, Earth is long enduring. The reason that Heaven and Earth are everlasting is that they do not live for self. Therefore they can long endure.” said Lao Tze.

Young boys and girls often easily say that their love is eternal and everlasting like Heaven and Earth. What they do not know is that broken heart comes along after a great love very often. Love dies easily too because it is for the self. This is real and how often we can see man with many wives. It is definitely for the self when one love dies and another one blooms. The most beautiful girl in the world can also suffer from broken heart likewise the most handsome or richest man.

Heaven and Earth are busy looking after all things. They make all things grow incessantly. This means if we are busy like Heaven and Earth looking after the lives of all sentient beings, we could be everlasting like Heaven and Earth. If we look after our life only and reserve all the money for ourselves, it would be like the unfruitful plum tree. If there is no sacrifice, it is impossible to be everlasting like Heaven and Earth.

Saints put themselves last, yet find themselves to be the first. They put body aside, yet the body exists. This is an example from the teaching of my Heavenly Teacher JiGong:

“When a mother raises a son or a daughter, she would never consider what the child can give her in the future before she offers her care. Since she has given birth to him, she only knows of loving him and caring for him. She also understands clearly that he may disappoint her when he grows up, but she still misses him and takes care of him, even to the extent of taking on his guilt and dying for him. Dying for him without resentment and without regret, this is the heart of a mother, and is exactly the heart of Buddha.

A kindly mother will do this for her son and daughter. Buddhas and Saints had also given up their own personal feelings while they were living in the world and offered all their love to numerous living beings. The way they treat numerous beings is the same as a mother treats her child. They advise and transform them, and they are willing to take their sins on themselves. They vowed that ‘not until all living beings are saved, they will not become Buddha.’ Which Saint does not have this heart? The Saints of the Five Religions (Taoism, Confucianism, Buddhism, Christianity and Islam) came from different places, but they all had the same aspiration and they all gave up themselves for the multitude.

If you take the Great Body and numerous beings into consideration whenever you start a thought, utter a word and do one thing, then you are doing a great thing, then you are a Great Man. If you keep doing this for a long, long time, and all the way until the very last thought, won’t your virtue be on par with that of Heaven and Earth?”

Author: T.A Chew

T.A Chew learnt that by practising Tao, one can have a mind of wisdom, a heart of humanity and a spirit of courage. It is to save and carry across the lost one from the bitter sea of life to the blissful land of paradise. One’s heart must be like Heaven and Earth, looking after the lives of all sentient beings. Website: white-sun.com white-sun.com

I am ashamed to admit this but I used to have the green-eyed monster tailing me wherever I went. It was my shadow and my other half.

Jealousy kept telling me what I should be doing and feeling. It even told me what my partner was up to and how he should be behaving and feeling toward me.

Did I believe jealousy? You bet I did. That went on for years until I learnt a few painful lessons and decided that it should go and leave me alone for good. That happened too late though.

My suspicions when jealousy set in cost me broken relationships, distress and a deep plunge in my self-esteem and worthiness.

Having gone through what I did, I have a few points here to assist you from allowing jealousy to ruin your life.

The first thing to do is to simply make a decision to get rid of that feeling. That means telling yourself that you have had it with the attitude of being suspicious, distrusting and possessive.

Next start saying different things to yourself. Jealousy is going to remind you that if you focus on other things, your partner may abandon you. Tell it firmly that you are in control and you want to choose your own thoughts.

Have respect for yourself. If your partner abandons you, put your hurt behind and start life over. If he actually cheats on you, he is not worth your time and effort. Your life will continue to evolve no matter what happens, if you decide to make it so.

Learn how to trust and expect good things to happen. One of the reasons why we suffer is because we unconsciously expect bad things to happen. Develop faith and confidence in your relationships. It promotes better understanding, avoids stress and gives you a peace of mind.

Learn how to communicate effectively. One great tip, don’t nag. Here’s another, don’t bring out old issues and mistakes. Both irritate and put a stop for further constructive conversations.

Learn to listen without interrupting, judging and probing. Allow him to talk and finish his sentences. If you must ask, do it with the intent to seek understanding. He can tell from your words, gestures and body language if you are sincere.

Now the last but most important thing is to learn to love everyone including yourself unconditionally. No strings, no bargains and no threats.

Fatimah Musa provides information, tips and quotes to help people become aware that any future success starts with their personal growth. You can visit Fatimah at about-personal-growth.com about-personal-growth.com or read more articles at about-personal-growth.com/personal-growth-articles.html about-personal-growth.com/personal-growth-articles.html

How to Control Your Anger: Retreat and Think Things Over

Jim and Mary Jones loved each other deeply, but often went into horrific verbal battles over any number of issues. They would argue and yell for hours, often into the night, leaving both of them exhausted, emotionally disconnected, hurt and resentful toward each other.

Both became so upset they were flooded with negative feelings which prevented their being able to repair the damage, to think rationally, or to problem-solve the issues at hand.

Much of this emotional suffering could have been prevented or least minimized had they learned anger control tool #8:

—“Retreat and Think Things Over.”

Basically this means to temporarily distance yourself from the situation for a period of time so that both of you can calm down. This allows your bodily systems to return to normal, and allows your normally good reasoning and thinking ability to return.

Easier Said Than Done

Yes, it is much easier said than done. It is one of those tools that sounds deceptively simple, yet it is by no means easy to do for at least two reasons:

There is a common myth that all relationship conflicts should be “settled” in the moment while the intense feelings are present. If you do not do this, you may be accused of “avoiding” the issue.

Once stress or anger levels escalate to a certain point, one or both partners reach a point of no-return, due to flooding of the brain with intense emotions. This makes it almost impossible to disengage from each other and stop the fight.

Heed these Warning Signs

You know it is time to Retreat and Think Things Over when you are:

• Feeling overwhelmed during an argument
• Raising your voice to an unusual level
• Feeling your temper is out of control
• You notice your heart racing
• Sense your muscles tensing
• Can’t think straight and you start to feel hostile.

Why this tool works

Temporarily removing yourself from the situation allows your body to return to normal, provides a cooling-down time. It also allows your brain to return to its normal state where you can reason and think better.

This tool helps prevents you or your partner from saying unfair or hurtful things in the heat of battle—which can easily escalate into further conflicts and resentments, causing you and your partner to become even more emotionally cut-off and distanced from each other.

Some Basic Rules

While the concept of “Retreat and Think Things Over” is simple, it will not work very well unless the following rules are
followed:

Rule #1: You can only use the tool for yourself – not your partner. It does not usually work for you to tell your partner it is time for them to retreat.

Rule #2: Announce that you need to take a time out and Retreat before you do it. This should be done using assertive communication in a way that clearly conveys your need to leave before thing get out of hand, as opposed to your leaving to merely avoid dealing with the situation.

Rule #3- You need to commit to a reasonable length of time to return and deal with the issue— no longer than several hours, as a general rule.

Rule #4: Don’t drink or use drugs to get high during this time. It will be much harder, if not impossible, to convince your partner of your sincerity in wanting to work things out if you return intoxicated or high.

Rule #5: Be very careful and very selective in who you talk to during your Retreat Time. While there is a natural tendency to contact a friend or family member who is sympathetic, you should be careful.

Why is this important? Because they may have a permanently negative view of your partner, even after you have made-up and things are now fixed in the relationship.You can’t necessarily expect your family to turn the positive emotions back on like you have.

Temporarily removing yourself from the situation allows your body and mind to return to normal, allowing your normally good reasoning to return.

Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter “Taming The Anger Bee” at angercoach.com angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.

Very few people in history (if any) have gone through their entire lives without coming to blows with members of their family at one time or another.

Sometimes it is parents and children who can’t see eye to eye, sometimes it is a struggle with in-laws or siblings, and sometimes it is married couples who take it to the ring on a frequent basis.

Whatever iteration of family strife that you have in your life, it is rarely an occurrence that has positive results. Controlling this issue can benefit everyone involved, including yourself.

This article is not meant as a psychological analysis of family trauma. However, at a basic level, family problems can at least be alleviated – if not avoided – by simply learning to control emotional responses.

The issue of who is right or wrong, or what resolution is found for any given situation is not nearly as important as the emotions that are generated during the struggle.

Most people would agree that the emotions that are part of family strife rarely fall under the general umbrella of being positive, which means that those emotions are not going to benefit you, or anyone else involved.

Take a minute to think about it. The last time you had an argument or a disagreement with a family member, was it a pleasant experience for you, or for them?

Well, unless you are the type of person who enjoys drama, most people would say that neither themselves nor the other people involved enjoyed the experience very much.

Why, then, do we keep finding ourselves in those same situations over and over again?

For most people it doesn’t boil down to anything more noble than the need or the desire to be “right”. Some people want to be right for their own personal reasons, while others want to be right because they truly believe that their point of view represents the “greater good”.

In any case, people get entirely too wrapped up in whether or not they get to be right, and they lose track of the fact that they need to control their emotions. In situations of potentially high tension, or situations that have consequences that are deemed by the participants as important, the need to control our emotions becomes even more pronounced.

There is a very appropriate term for this ability to remain calm during emotionally turbulent situations, and that term is “equanimity”. It basically means that even though you are mindful of any given situation that you are in, you still manage to keep a calm and passive emotional stance.

If even one person in any given set of family “combatants” is truly able to practice equanimity, it can have a calming effect on everyone involved.

The person practicing equanimity does not raise their voice, they do not resort to the use of defensive body language, and they do not throw verbal “barbs” or “jabs” at other people as a way of attacking them.

Now, all of that is not to say that the person practicing equanimity just sits there and lets the battle rage on around them. Quite to the contrary, actually. The calm individual can usually see realistic and/or logical solutions to the issues on the table, since their emotions are not clouding their judgment.

In addition, since a compromise that works for everyone is not always possible, the person practicing equanimity is also more prepared to handle the outcome of the situation, even if that outcome does not go his/her way. The ability to calmly and rationally handle the argument itself will also allow that person to calmly and rationally handle the results of the disagreement.

Is practicing equanimity easy? Not at first. However, just like everything else, the more you practice it, the better you get at it. In fact, the more you practice equanimity, the more you want to do it!

Where previously you had been a full-blown emotional respondent during family turmoil, now you get to be the person who is living their life on their own terms, rather than just reacting to the world as it unfolds around them.

Give it a shot the next time you find yourself in a heated discussion. Just ease on back, slow down, and make a conscious effort to keep your voice and your body language neutral and non-combative.

You will see that practicing equanimity will at the very least help you, and it may also serve to help others as well.

Aaron Potts is the founder of the Today is that Day Success Community, and the author of Energy Harmonics, which teaches about todayisthatday.com/energyharmonics.html self improvement, vibratory alignment, and the todayisthatday.com/lawofattraction.html Law of Attraction. Visit his site to learn about Energy Harmonics and to get his free newsletter, or visit his blog at todayisthatday.com/blog/ todayisthatday.com/blog/

The human psyche seems to have a pendant for projecting our shortcomings onto others, but also our good traits. Without the other we would not be able to know the self: they are our mirrors. If you want to know whether your hair looks great or if your new coat suits you, you take a look in the mirror, don’t you? You need that mirror to be able to look at your outer appearance.

The same counts for your inner world. If you want to have a look at yourself inside, look into the mirror, which is other people: the traits you hate in them and the ones you love in them. This tells more about you than you think! In fact, you hate and love those traits which you pushed away into your shadow zone, which you decided you don’t want to see (the negative traits you condemned as “bad” or “no good”), or those which you decided you don’t have (the positive traits, which you call “good” and which you would like to have but you think you don’t have them).

In order to see inside yourself, look at what disturbs you in others and what you admire in others. All these traits are energies you pushed away and which you need to recover. That’s why this bothers or attracts you now in your life.

What we condemn or detest in others are our own qualities that we don’t want to face, but that we should be working at. This is called the negative projection. What you don’t like in others, or even hate, is a part of yourself.

When the indifference of another person disturbs you, it means that you should be more indifferent yourself and stop to invest yourself for 100% everywhere and with everyone! This doesn’t mean you have to become as indifferent, cold and distant as the other person, but that you should reintegrate a part of this energy in your own behavior, and become a little less involved in what you do. Too much involvement can hurt you. You need to learn in this case to take more care of yourself instead of being so focused on the other one.

If you are balanced on this polarity of indifference (one extreme) and too much involvement (the other extreme), than the indifference of the other won’t bother you anymore. This counts for every trait that bothers you in others! You should integrate the energy of this trait in your energy field. This means to become a little bit more like the other (in this example: indifferent) and become the opposite to yourself (more involved in your own well being).

When you start to integrate the behavior that disturbs you in others, you will notice that this behavior doesn’t disturb you anymore. You simply don’t notice it anymore. You have integrated this energy, so now you become neutral towards this topic.

When the aggressive behavior of a partner or colleagues is getting to you, then you may have to learn to say “no”, defend your ground and clearly mark the borders. The fact that somebody’s aggression disturbs you proves that you have hidden that energy away in your shadow side. You can reclaim that energy and develop it in other ways that support your balance in life.

This counts for every behavior in others that disturbs you. This is the fastest way to grow and to keep up with others at the same time!

On a scale of polarities, what you hate is the polarity you didn’t develop inside you and you should. Life shows you this in the behavior of the significant other. In stead of hating him or his behavior, observe, ask yourself what you have to learn, learn it, integrate (you become a better person, a whole, complete person) and the screen of life will show you a more balanced person!

In the same way, the good traits you admire in others are your own qualities that you don’t know you have. You think you are lacking these talents and admire them thus in others. These qualities are present within yourself but they are “under construction” and also need developing. They are, however, a mirror image of your highest abilities. This is the positive projection.

Think of a male person and a female person you admire, and who you know in real life. Make a list of the qualities and traits you admire in them. Then read this list again and say out loud in front of each quality : “I am…”.
Let’s say you admire the elegance and the organizational skills of your best friend. This means you too have the capacity to organize your life and things and you too are beautiful, otherwise you would even not be able to see it in others! You do have the germ of these qualities inside, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to notice them.
This list clearly represents who you are. This is the truth about you. These qualities are INSIDE of you. They are merely waiting to be discovered, expanded and expressed.

You can do the same with people you don’t know personally, like movie stars, singers, historical figures, politicians, mythical figures, fairies….List their qualities and read for yourself : “I am…”
In the beginning you’re maybe skeptical, you won’t believe you possess yourself these qualities. But have a closer look and admit the possibility of having these qualities inside you in the form of seeds that need to be cultivated in order to blossom.

So in stead of blaming others for their behavior or dwelling with others for the qualities you admire, you can better do this inner work of recovering the energy locked into these traits. In stead of projecting these traits outside yourself on an outside screen (the other person), try to grow by developing these qualities consciously yourself and you will become a more complete integrated person with a lot more energy!

What you don’t have inside yourself, you can not see in others!

Written by Ineke Van Lint, psychologist and spiritual counselor. She helps you find your own path and create your very own success! On her website theenthusiasm.com theenthusiasm.com she offers you two free e-courses and many free articles. You can now decide to be happy and to manifest your highest purpose on earth!

How do you measure the success of a training or teaching program? There are many measures you can use including; focusing on learning outcomes, behavioural change, student engagement and even efficiency of delivery.

An effective leadership program can achieve all of the above and more. As you plan your training program for 2005 following are some mistakes that I have seen some schools make when conducting their leadership training program.

Seven common mistakes that some schools make that YOU can AVOID:

1. They don’t provide a leadership model for leaders to refer to.

Presenting a leadership model for students and staff to refer to has many benefits. It allows teachers to grow the program consistently rather than put together an ad hoc list of activities. It provides assistance to analytical learners who love a model to guide them and helps ensure program consistency over a number of years.

2. They don’t give leaders job descriptions for different roles.

The second most common complaint that student leaders make is that they don’t know what to do. So if you don’t have job descriptions yet it maybe time to get them on paper. For an easy guide go to the downloads page on www.younleadersprogram.com.au and download the Leadership Role Sheet. (Be patient if it is the first time the computer you access it from has been to that site. A blue screen will come up first before a colourful graphic picture. It will quick next time you use it.)

By the way, the most common complaint that student leaders make is that they don’t have any real leadership tasks to do!

3. They don’t form a leadership team

Being a student leader is not all fun and games. Some students feel isolated and some don’t take the chance to learn from their peers. Help them feel supported and provide a process for group learning by establishing a leadership team in its own right.

4. They don’t provide ongoing support

Make sure you meet a regular basis throughout the year to discuss problems, organise events and help them develop their roles.

5. They fail to focus on developing communication skills

Leadership is a test of communication skills. How students communicate with students and staff on a one-to one basis and how they deliver a message to a group will impact on their effectiveness. A focus on good personal and public communication needs to be central to your program.

6. They neglect to develop a Code a Conduct for student leaders

How are your student leaders expected to behave? How does a student know if his behaviour is out of step with the school’s expectations? Schools generally have a Code of Conduct for general school behaviour but it is useful to have a Code of Conduct for student leaders that reflects both acceptable school behaviour and also the school’s values. Student leaders are ambassadors for a school’s values.

Go to parentingideas.com.au/nylp/downloads.htm for a sample Code of Conduct that I use.

7. They forget to start a leadership diary or journal

To assist with ongoing personal development students should begin a journal or a diary that serves as a record of their activities and also provides an opportunity to reflect on their progress.

Michael Grose is the creator of The Young Leaders Program, which is used in Australian and Asian schools to train student leaders. To find out more about this program or how Michael can help your staff promotye student leadership skills visit youngleadersporgram.com.au youngleadersporgram.com.au